The secret to overcoming the agony of self-sabotage from the man now offering legendary emotional support for business owners
Do you need some Legendary emotional support as a business owner?
Are you self-sabotaging and getting in your own way? Do you need the level of emotional support that’s fit for business owners?
After listening to or reading this episode you’ll hopefully be more aware of the tools you need to avoid self-sabotage and head towards success!
We’re making conversations about legendary support count, with Tommy Breedlove – Episode 89!
Tommy shares his story, and insights – and it’s not one million miles away from being another “Wolf of Wall Street” movie…!

Big take-away quote from this conversation about emotional support for business owners – Tommy Breedlove:
“When I started working on my inner game, my mental game, my emotional, my spiritual game, in three years, I went from a junior partner in the firm, to a senior partner, to an owner, to running the international practice.
And my income doubled.”
Tommy Breedlove, Making Conversations Count – (June 2022)
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Who is Tommy Breedlove? And why are we focusing on him as an expert in emotional support for business owners?
Tommy Breedlove is the author of “Legendary”, a self-help book that details his own journey from self-sabotage to success.
After doing jail time for a violent crime, Tommy was able to turn his life around and achieve huge financial and personal success.
He offers emotional support for business owners who are struggling with self-sabotage.
Tommy’s message is simple: self-sabotage is the number one enemy of success.
But self-sabotage is not a life-sentence, and you can take steps to ensure it won’t destroy your chances of achieving your goals.
Fortunately, there are ways to overcome self-sabotage.
Self-sabotage often comes from a place of fear.
The theme of this episode suggests that recognising that your self-sabotaging behaviour is motivated by fear, and taking steps to check in with yourself can help with overcoming that self-sabotaging.
And that is part of his mission to help increase the level of emotional support for business owners so they can feel more confident and empowered.
Scroll down to continue reading this episode in which Tommy talks about how he’s campaigning for a world filled with readily accessible emotional support for business owners!
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Pain and humble beginnings – the Tommy Breedlove origin story
Tommy Breedlove’s story started with pain.
He was born into violence and poverty, and he spent his formative years teetering on the edge of self-destruction.
As a teenager, Tommy committed a brutal crime, and he was sent to prison for seven years. He didn’t serve the seven years.
He managed to apply himself and was able to turn his life around by getting decent honest work which ultimately led to a total transformation.
He’s now passing on the learning he gained from his journey, and helping share his wisdom as part of his mission to offer emotional support for business owners.
It’s ok to prioritise your business!
Most business owners feel guilty about prioritising their business. They feel like they’re supposed to be able to balance their business and home life perfectly, and when they can’t, they feel like they’re failing.
Again, this is part of what Tommy Breedlove is trying to correct with his efforts to share emotional support for business owners.
The truth is, it’s ok to prioritise your business. In fact, it’s essential if you want your business to succeed.
When you’re first starting out, your business will require most of your attention.
You’ll need to put in long hours and make sacrifices in other areas of your life.
And that’s ok! Your business is your baby, and it deserves your time and attention.
It’s just you. And you need emotional support, but unless you’re paying for it, emotional support is not always available to business owners.
Once you’ve established your business and it’s running smoothly, you can start to focus on other areas of your life. But in the beginning, don’t feel guilty about putting your business first. It’s essential for its success.
Here’s what Tommy has to say about it in the episode.
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“And for me, no matter what, if you’re a business owner, you’re going to prioritise your business because you carry a profit burden, you carry the burden of employees. You want to be successful, you’re doing it. You employ people, you want to make an impact. There’s all these great reasons, and I love business owners, but let’s just own that we prioritise the business. But you can. It’s about quality over quantity. The quality of time you spend with your spouse, the quality of time that you spend with your friends, the quality of time you spend with your children if you have them, and all being rowing in the same direction. Because relationships are hard. Family is hard, business is hard, life is hard. And so when you bring people together and you teach them to communicate or you bring them together to teach them how to be courageous and self confident and how to love themselves. So to me, my whole goal, and maybe it’s your goal too, is shift the paradigm.”
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Advice for entrepreneurs who are starting out!
As business owners we’re subjected to so-called experts who want to have us part with our money in return for advice. But how do you know the advice is valid and worthy of following?
In this episode, Wendy asks him for his advice for entrepreneurs who are starting out. Here’s that excerpt taken from the transcript.
(Quote from episode. Read the full transcript here).
“The number one failure in life and leadership is knowing thyself.
It’s self awareness. Don’t give up. If you show up every day for yourself, we show up, we honor our commitments and we do what we’re going to say we’re going to do.
If you do that, I’m telling you you will be 99% ahead of almost all other entrepreneurs. So I’d say lead yourself first.
Work on your emotional game, your mental game and your spiritual game and your physical game every single day so that you could show up for your business.”
In the UK and US we’re surrounded by noise
Tommy makes the point that there’s a lot of distraction we’re subjected to in the Western world, particularly in the UK and the US.
(Quote from episode. Read the full transcript here).
“They want us to get angry, they want us to get upset, they want us to blame somebody, they want us to feel like victims. And then you turn on social media and everybody’s LinkedIn, successful or Instagram, fabulous. And it’s just noise. It’s just noise. And how do we overcome that. First of all, turn it off and surround yourself with positive people who make you happy and make you better.”
You’ll learn….
This episode of “Making Conversations Count”, in which Tommy Breedlove shares his secret of overcoming self-sabotage, and how he’s now offering insight into legendary emotional support for business owners, covers:
- Pain and humble beginnings: the legendary origin story!
- Prioritise your business
- Tommy’s advice for entrepreneurs starting out
- Tommy’s conversation that counted
Wendy’s takeaway
In this week’s episode, we’re treated to Tommy Breedlove’s true openness and self-reflection (he’s the self proclaimed “Picasso” at screwing up!) and his tips for feeling some of that vital emotional support for business owners.
He shares his secret of overcoming self-sabotage.
Tommy has had a tough past, including jail time for a violent crime, but has since turned his life around, and his story is very inspirational.
I’m hoping a lot of listeners to the podcast and readers of the written for reading transcript will get a lot out of Tommy’s truth.
Tommy’s Links
Please do let us know your take-aways from this episode by leaving a comment at https;//makingconversations.studio/Review-Tommy-Breedlove
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“Making Conversations Count” is a podcast from WAG Associates founder and telemarketing trainer Wendy Harris.
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You like to ruin the plot twist huh? OK, not judging. Here you are.
Tommy, I don’t know if you know this, but every guest, I ask the one question, which is what’s the one conversation that you can recall and share with us today that you know, if you hadn’t have had your life, would not be as it is today.
I think the conversation with my wife when I was 36 years old, I think she loved me when I couldn’t love me. And just to let her know my fears, my insecurities, my mistakes, how I had been living X amount of years, I went to the seven day retreat just to figure out who I was. And I fully expected her not to be there when I got back. But I was open, I was honest. I said whatever she wanted because we were too successful. Business success, life, terrible business success. Whatever she wanted, I said, you can have. Take it, whatever you want, just leave me a pair of pants and I’ll rebuild. And when I got back, she was here and she never left. And she stood there like a graceful oak tree. I love oak trees, by the way, and all her grace and all her beauty. And that conversation, we’ve had tough conversations. I’m not saying we’ve got it all figured out as a couple, but she’s my chief of staff, she’s my chairman of the board, she’s my rock, and she gives me class. And I think that conversation, there’s no way I would be the man, the human, the person, the seeker, the grower that I am today without unconditional support of her. And I can say honestly today, even over the last rough couple of years, we’re better today than we’ve ever been. So that’s the conversation.
See, this is kind of why I’m moved to do the kind of retreat that I want to do, is because it is tough to work through business and life. So give your wife a big hug and a kiss from Wendywoo tonight, will you, please?
I will. We’re going to grill together tonight. We haven’t cooked together in a long time, so we’re going to grill tonight. I’m looking at my grill, by the way, so I’m excited.
Well, I can tell those coals are going to get hot.
I love it.
So what’s next for Tommy, then? I know that empowering people and business owners is kind of your thing. What’s next? What do we expect?
I’m going to slow down to speed up. We’ve got some big strategic things happening. We’re starting our women’s movement. I’m so excited about that. I think the women’s movement is a blue ocean. Our dream is 1 million men and 1 million women’s lives transformed to be more successful in life, more successful in business, more successful in relationships, more successful in their mindset. And so we have big goals, but I can’t do it alone. So we’re building the legendary life movement and we’re in the experience coaching and retreat business. And I can’t do it alone because Tommy Breedlove has got a limited life and that’s a gift, right? We’re only here so many days. We don’t know how long that is.
We’ve got to experience it as well. Yeah.
So we’re actively right now building the movement and not Tommy as a brand. So think more people were looking for a CEO. I mean, two days I’ve just spent in the North Georgia mountains, which are beautiful, by the way, for you people in the UK. We have some beautiful mountains here into the south. But I just spent two days with a guy that’s potentially going to be our CEO. This afternoon, I’m talking to another guy who’s going to partner with us and it’s taken me two years to find these people. It’s got to be the right person. We don’t negotiate our core values. We absolutely do not. But we have been very intentional about partnering with people to help us expand our reach. And we want to build this legendary life. We want people to be with us for life. We don’t want it to be a one and done. We don’t want it to come in, like a lot of people in my business, you go to their event, you come out. We want you to live with us forever.
This is like the family that you can choose to have Thanksgiving with. Yeah, that’s got to be way cooler, because when most of my family get in touch. I run for the hills.
Ugh when they start talking about politics and I just melt. They’re blaming this person or that person, you know, I hate using this word. The pandemic shined a lot of light on a lot of people.
Fantastic for me.
It’s fantastic for me, too. And how we showed up in the world and how we showed up for each other and how we showed up in our lives, compared to what I saw some of my other friends and family do, it’s just unbelievable.
Yeah, they’re calling it, aren’t they, the Great Migration and all of that kind of thing. Actually, I just think it was just a fabulous reboot.
It was a reset.
Yeah.
And for those of us who chose to see the light, I think it also shined a light on we’re going to be okay. No matter what, we’re going to be okay.
Yeah, I think so. We’ve got some extraordinary people that can really make the difference. It’s just about knowing where to look, isn’t it? Follow the light.
What we’ve got coming up in the short term is we’ve got two men’s retreats coming up in the beautiful North Georgia mountains and one woman’s retreat. That’s what we’ve got coming up. And I’m just super excited and pumped up that these people show up with courage and they want to lead themselves so they can lead others. So I’m super fired up about it.
You are an absolute diamond. Honestly. Keep doing all that you’re doing because it suits you, sir.
Finally living up to my last name, which is a real last name, by the way. Got it. Breedlove. I’m finally living up to my last name.
I think you’re right. We always encourage listeners to carry on the conversation with guests, so we’ll be sticking a load of stuff on the show notes and I’ll probably have to tap Lindsay up for something special for the listeners. But if they want to reach out from listening because we’re impulsive people like that, what’s the best place for them to find you?
You can find me at tommybreedlove.com. All you need to know about our retreats, our experiences, our masterminds, our community is there. If you want to reach out to us directly, I’m going to give you two emails. Lindsay@tommybreadlove.com or Tommy@tommybreadlove.com, just reach out to us directly. We’ll get back to you.
There’s a pattern there.
Check out the book. It’s everywhere. It’s at your favourite bookstore. It’s at the airports if you’re flying. If you don’t read, I will read it to you. You can get it on Audible so I can read it to you. What I would recommend people doing is go there because it is just chock full of simple things to help you be more successful in your life and your mindset, your relationships and in business. It’s not my wisdom, it was wisdom that was shown to me, but it’s executable to go there as well. So reach out to us at Tommy@tommybreaklove.com. On social we’re everywhere. We put out goodness. We don’t put out any darkness. Or just check out the book. I think the reason the book has been so successful is because it’s fun, it’s quick, it’s easy, but most importantly, it’s not theory, it’s actionable. And so check us out there.
Well, Tommy, thank you for Making Conversations about being legendary.Count with me today.
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So there you have it!
When it comes to emotional support for business owners, Tommy’s book presents something of a solution.
Click this box to read the full Episode Transcript - Conversation around etiquette and manners - "Making Conversations Count"
You’ll read about:
You’ll hear:
Blaine and his TEDx Talk (1m02s)
Chief Results Officer? (3m47s)
Observations of business owners and entrepreneurs who struggle with results (12m19s)
Change doesn’t happen quickly enough but stick at it because it’s worth it! (23m25s)
Blaines’s conversation that counts (30m13s)
Blaine and his TEDx Talk (1m02s)
We all have these little idiosyncrasies that we like to hang on to... 21 seconds... an hour. If I was to say to my daughter, you've got all day to tie to your bedroom, guess what? It takes her all day to tidy her bedroom. So it's got to be the same in business. If you tell me I've only got 20 minutes to do something, I'll get it done with spare time!
Yes. Everything from when people argue for the limitations they get to keep them, to it's the lens that you look through that actually creates your life. So I call it the lens of the future, but that is so key. And then finding practical ways to program the subconscious mind to help you. Right. I did a TEDx Talk where I asked people to change the unlock screen on their phone. And so now, for years, I've been getting great feedback from people saying that made a big difference in their life. So whatever you're trying to bring about, you put that on your unlock screen. You can also have your family stuff, and then you can make a customized image. But many people have nothing. They have, like, the default unlock screen, which is interesting, but you see that screen, you unlock your phone 60 to 150 times a day. So it's a real strong way to keep putting what you want to bring about, what you think about what you bring about. It's a way to program that subconscious, but it's super powerful, and you're so right. That how you see it creates the reality. And if people get that, that's a big breakthrough.
Confession time. I did the unlock screen on my phone, and it was a picture of myself in actual fact, when I felt that I looked the best, I was slimmer, no Covid pounds. And it has been working because initially I was looking at it and thinking, this is I really don't like this. But it has had an impact. It's changed with what I eat, the what I drink, the getting up and moving more. So I'd say to anybody, just give it a try!
Yeah. Agreed. A lot of this stuff is self evident. Just try it for a little while. And you may not see it consciously, but your subconscious mind is still seeing it. And maybe you change it. Maybe you turn it to the side or you add some words to it. You can also kind of mix it up. I like to mix mine up every couple of weeks, but it's having the same core thing on there,
Chief Results Officer? (3m47s)
No, it is interesting. So what got you to become the chief Results officer then, Blaine?
So, for me, there were two moments of dawning comprehension where the world changes almost on a single thought. And for me, the first one came in college. I went to Purdue University in West Lafayette, Indiana, and I've always been kind of maybe like you and the listeners. I've been a little bit of a seeker, a seeker of knowledge. How can I do better? What could I do better? And so I saw this ad for an audio cassette tape. So I'm kind of dating myself. This was back in the 80s, but when I went to college and I sent away for this audio cassette, which was an abridged version of "Think and Grow Rich", it was actually this guy Earl Nightingale reading "Think and Grow Rich". And I got that audio tape, and then I subsequently purchased the book, and I realised there that "Think and Grow Rich". Now, the book is about Think and Grow Rich, but the riches can be anything. It could be financial, he talks about that, but it could be harmonious relationships, your health. And that's where this concept of what you think about you bring about. That was where I first got that. And I realized, now, wait a second, I'm in a lot more control than I realized. And I had a lot of success because of that initial reading of that book. And actually, I met my wife. We've been married 30 years, so I met her.
Congratulations.
Yes. That was kind of the first thing that started me on the journey there and started kind of taking control of myself a little bit more. But then the big change, the big dawning comprehension moment number two. I came back from a business trip, my degree's in computer science, I was working as a software engineer, and I came back from this long business trip, and my son Beau, he was one year old, and he was, like, giving me the cold shoulder when I came back. And I said, hey, Beth, what's going on? What's wrong with Beau here? And she said, well, you were gone so long, he kind of forgot who you were. And I was like, what? I mean, that hit me emotionally pretty hard at night. And I realized when I was a kid, I'd come home to an empty house. Both my parents worked. And so that night I had this moment of dawning comprehension, and I made a clarifying decision. Now, when you make a clarifying decision, it kind of like, cuts out a lot of other decisions, cuts out a lot of noise and really focuses you almost like a laser on one thing. And that decision was that I was going to be a work from home dad. And so it took me a year. It took me a year to get there because we were kind of conservative and wanted to save up enough money and have living expenses in the bank. But anyway, a year later, my wife said, if you can make more on your side hustle thing, whatever you're doing here from home, and you make more money at that than you do from the job or even the same, then you can go, you can cut away the job. So I did that. So it took me a year, but I did that and I left my job. And that was 27 years ago. And so for the last 27 years, I've been working from home, running businesses that really have no daily operations. So I've been able to do a lot of self development and that's what led me on the course to become the Chief Results Officer. I started helping people. I created a company called Selfluence, which is really kind of the art and science of influencing yourself. But more than that, it's the power that you already have to influence yourself. You don't need any special software, you don't have to buy anything else. You have it all kind of within you. And I started helping a lot of mastermind groups and they said, hey, you're helping us get results every week. We're going to call you the Chief Results Officer. I'm like. Oh, I like that. So I like the title. I took the title and then I went to the US Patent Office and I registered the title. So now I can say I'm America's only Chief Results officer. But anyway, I've been doing that and I think that's why I'm here. I think God has me on the planet to help people take control of their lives by taking control of themselves. So that's what I've been doing. Now, pretty much 27 years from home, kids are out of the nest now, so I have a lot more time to serve clients than I did before, but I really do enjoy it.
What a benefit for Beau, really? And gosh, we say this so often on this show is that there are things that you can do that can help and aid us, but ultimately it comes back to self. It doesn't matter. So you're saying that you decided to do something. Reminds me of Rob Begg who's a past guest as well. He's also a mindset expert and he says if you decide, you've also got to commit and that's effectively what you've done. So there's a lot of entrepreneurs out there that I think they decide that they're going to work for themselves, but they don't commit. Do you see that it goes hand in hand?
I do. And I think there's a third component, and that is the action right there. There's a famous joke. Three birds are sitting on a tree, one decides to fly off. How many birds are left? And the audience typically says two, but no three. One made a decision, but they didn't fly off, they didn't take the action right. So I think what you think about, you bring about that. It's a combination of you make the decision right, and then you need to commit to that decision, but your commitment shows up in action. And so it's the action steps you take that kind of determine if it's real or not. And I will say that many decisions and desires kind of die on the vine because they're not strong enough for that person. And you can tell they're not strong enough if they don't want to wake up early, stay up late, and really put the action behind it. Right? And that's where you see the people really begin to move forward, because it's even taking the action. Even if you're going in the wrong direction, at least you're moving. They say you can't steer a parked car. You got to be moving. You got to take action. And it's in the action that really you kind of learn more about it, and then it can either grow, or you might realize that you're heading in the wrong direction. But that's okay, because it's in the knowing of where you're going. That's the fun part. And I like to tell people, you can't change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction. So if you figure out where you want to go, you can point in that direction and then start to move there. But in turning and facing, like, whatever it is you really want in life, you're going to feel the energy chemically. You're going to get excited about it, you're going to feel it.
It's a bit like stepping out into the sunshine, isn't it, and feeling it on your face. It is that much of an impact. But that's great course correction, isn't it? If we have these navigation systems built in, we are also tied to the magnetic force. So why do you think we have moved away so far from what comes naturally to us? Blaine, what's your take on that?
When you can get back to these core things? It feels good, it feels right. But today, more so than any time in the history of the world, is that there are so many distractions, and the level of distractions are so high. And everybody that I know has one of these, which is a smartphone, a cell phone. And so that can be like the greatest tool of productivity or the most evil distraction machine known to man or woman. For me, it's the level of distractions number one, and the loss of think time. That would probably be number two. Of time where you are... it's almost like more shower time, where there's no phones, there's no electronics, there's no outside world. People need more of that. I tell them, your phone has airplane mode. That's not just for airplanes. You can use it during the week, too. But I think lack of Think Time and distractions are the two things that pull you away, maybe even from who you are, who you want to be, your self development. So switching, that is possible, right? So switching, removing distractions. Right. So my family isn't super happy about it, but I've removed all the rings. Dings and dings. My phone never rings. If I'm expecting a call, maybe I'll look for that. But typically, I never answer the phone, and I've really cut down the distractions, number one. And then number two is I put a lot of think time back into my day and into my life and I think that makes a big difference.
Observations of business owners and entrepreneurs who struggle with results (12m19s)
What's your observation then, Blaine, of working with entrepreneurs and business owners that are struggling with that productivity and getting the results that they need? What's the first place that you sort of get them to be doing something slightly different?
I serve primarily business owners and the number one problem is overwhelm. Too many things to do and they're typically a day behind or more than a day behind things. And so what I like to do is first of all, show them that there is something to go after and I call it a day ahead. And so I like to take entrepreneurs from being a day behind to just being behind to being caught up, to being ahead to being a day ahead. And there is this thing, I call it the day ahead lifestyle which I live most days now, not every day, but most days I'm a day ahead. So when I wake up there may be some appointments like this podcast, but all the to-do's are done. Like I have no to-do's for the day and I'm working on tomorrow's to-do's. And so this concept of moving into that just first of all know that it's possible to be a day ahead. And my wife is back in school now getting a master's degree and she likes to be a week or two weeks ahead on homework and other things so you can get there. But the first thing is you've got to handle the overwhelm. And so typically what I see that works the best is to do some kind of a mind dump of all these things that you have to do. Now if you just do a mind dump alone, you're going to be more overwhelmed but guide them through. So get out a piece of paper and start to write down what are all the things that are top of mind. They're swimming around, oh, I've got to do this for this client or I got to do that. I've got these appointments, I've got to do this with the products, whatever it is. You have all these things swimming around and write all those things down and spend at least 15 minutes doing that and then take maybe a five minute break and then come back, maybe go a little bit deeper. Also, sometimes I provide a lot of prompts, a lot of questions to kind of pull more and more stuff out of your head and get it on paper. So the last time I did that in a big way, I ended up with 453 items on my list.
Wow!
Super overwhelming. Look out. Yikes. But the key is that you must immediately process the list. So it's in the immediate processing of the list that the overwhelm begins to subside. Because what I mean by processing the list is that you put an end next to things you can do now, something that takes less than five minutes. If it's a bigger project, I also say, look, why don't you write to the right of it? What's the next step on that? It might just be scheduled meeting with so and so, send somebody an email, something that's quick and fast. But you write an N next to those things that you can do now, and then you write an S next to things that need to be scheduled. They need to be done in the next, let's say, a week or so. And then D is next to things that you can delegate, you can give to someone else. Not that you're going to do it, but you could do it. It's possible to delegate. And then L, which should be the most used letter of all, stands for later. And those are things that are not pressing, let's say, in this week. Now, sometimes people do it just for the day. Like, what am I going to do today? Some people might do it for a month or a quarter. But one of those things that you can let go a little bit, you can put on the later list. And most of the time, like out of my 400, I don't know, probably 300, something of those were later items. But they're out of my head now and they're on paper. And then what happens is then you go after you take maybe 30 minutes and do a bunch of the Ns, get a little... start winning the battle of the brain chemicals, get the dopamine going, the serotonin, you're getting stuff done, you're moving forward. Then the bigger ones, you schedule those into your calendar, maybe you see what the next small step is again, win early, win often. And that starts to get them out of the overwhelm and get them into kind of high value, productive action. That's one thing I do. The other thing is that all entrepreneurs and business owners, most people, want to compress time. And so I do have a framework called the 30 Minutes Hour. It's how to get an hour's worth of stuff done in just 30 minutes. So sometimes I walk them through that framework as well, because if they can compress time, they're winning.
Yeah, there's a lot about what you've said there that comes back to feeling in control of the situation, isn't it? And thinking is just energy, isn't it? You've got all these thoughts and they're just randomly popping in and out of your attention span... by putting them down on paper makes perfect sense because you can look and it not take up your attention of worrying about it because you've already decided how you're going to do something with it. Is it next? Is it later? Is it a big thing? But it frees your energy up to be laser focused on the tasks that you really do need to do. And there's just that feeling of striking off things off your list, isn't there? That satisfaction of done that, done that... the fact that you've gotten to the end of a list is an achievement itself. But getting into the habit of doing that on a daily basis, that's got to be where the results are coming from.
Yes, you're exactly right about those open loops and all that thing that's swimming around in your head that you have to keep remembering, right? And when you get rid of those things now you've got some more room, some more capacity and you even feel better, like you said. And then also you're right about the checking off the list. A lot of times I'll ask business owners, have you ever done something and it's not on your list but you write it on your list so you could check it off? We've all kind of done that. But that gives us the dopamine that like physically shows up. You get a little square of dopamine in your brain and it feels good. Your body, your mind, it wants you to get stuff done, right? So it rewards that. So you are right. And a lot of it is how you think and what you think about you bring about and how you think makes all the difference and actually changes your reality. I call it the lens of the future. But how you say or say to yourself or how you think the prediction of the future is going to go, that is what you're going to end up creating, right? So the story I like to tell about that is let's say that I say, Wendy, look, I'm sorry but today is going to be one of the worst days of your life. And so then you go out and you're like, I don't know if Blaine's right or not. And then you're almost hit by a car and you say, wow, look, Blaine was right. I was almost hit by the car and you're shaking and you're like, oh my, what else is going to happen? And physically, brain chemical wise and physically, you get scared and you kind of get small and you're worried about the rest of the day right? Now if the same morning I said to you, Wendy, today is going to be one of the best days of your life. You're looking through a different lens but the same thing happens. You're almost hit by the car and you go, well Blaine was right. I was saved. Like, why was I saved? God still has something for me to do on this planet. I'm still here. And then you're exuberant. Now there's a little fear from the accident almost happening but right out of that you come up and you're not down, you're up. And the brain chemicals and your physiology is all like, this is a great day, what else is going to happen? Great. And so the same circumstances happened, but you created the reality based on the lens that you're looking through, and that is some of the biggest brain science and discoveries that are happening now is that you create that world based on that lens. So have you found that to be true in your...
Yeah, all the time. For me it comes down to language and it can be habitual. It's conditioned what we pick up from other people. You know that saying of who you surround yourself with, if that's negative, then that brings you down. I'm a positive kind of person in the main and it's hard if you're the only positive person sort of bringing the negative people up as well. So yeah, for me it's an energy thing. Everything is around energy and if you use the wrong language, it's like saying, oh, I nearly got hit by a car, but Blaine said it was a good day. You go, my luck was in and yet, it's got absolutely nothing to do with that. So it reminds me a little bit of the Matrix movie series that literally you can design the life that you want. How badly do you want it?
Yeah, agreed. And you're right about the people you hang around with. And I'm all for helping people, but I don't like maybe a third of the time I can be around people that are, let's say, at a lower frequency and have issues and I want to help them. And then a third of the time I like to be around people kind of my own energy level. And then another third of the time though, I want that higher energy. Right. I want to be kind of like you said, moving up and it can be tough. The other thing is if you're stuck in that lower energy or in that I call it head trash...
It's a good term.
Yeah, everybody has head trash. Now, my head trash, because I do a lot of things, is small and it's in the corner, but it's still there. And actually I do this thing called a mind shower every morning to kind of take the head trash out. But I like to tell people who are stuck with a lot of head trash that the solution to pollution is dilution. So if you ever see like if there's a liquid, a dark liquid in a beaker, the more clear water they add, it'll get less and less and less and less and soon it will be clear. What I find is the ratio is different for everybody. Like I need maybe a five to one ratio. So if I have 1 hour around negative people and bad things, I need 5 hours of positive. I got to pour in the positive to dilute down that negative. But realize that it is a bit of a battle, but like you said, what are you pouring in? Who are the people you around? What are you listening to? What are you watching? What foods are you eating? That all has energy and vibration, too. So you can really pour in so much of the higher vibration stuff that it does begin to minimize and kind of there's this little point where it'll flip over and you'll feel like you're in control of those thoughts rather than those thoughts and that negativity being in charge of you.
Change doesn’t happen quickly enough but stick at it because it’s worth it! (23m25s)
And you're right, really. That energy, the dark water into the clear, that's like recharging a battery, isn't it? When you need to go and find some positive to sort of just, you know... and I would say that people give up too soon. You can be adding clear water in and adding positivity into that dark water. And it could just be that you're just frustrated that the change is not happening quick enough. Please just stick at it because it's worth it.
Yeah, it is worth it. And realize that there's some people that will pour the dark ink back in the water, right? So you have to start to guard the inputs of your life, guard the inputs of your brain and your body. Because sometimes people don't even mean to do it. It's unconscious to them, but they are negative towards you or low energy.. so yeah keep pouring the positive and keep pouring it in big doses. I remember my favorite mentor is this guy Jim Rohn... I don't know if you remember...
Yeah, I know Jim Rohn.
Yeah, he's my favorite guy. I got to meet him and host him at an event one time and for him, he had this series, it's called The Power of Ambition, which I listened to on audio cassettes. Again, back to the dating myself. But I listened to that program 50 times in a row because I was at a point in my life where that's what I needed and I could finish the sentences of that program, but that's what I needed. That's what I needed to really get through some tough times. I mentioned before that I broke free from my job. But if you realize at that point we had a one year old son, I had a 50 hours week job and I started two other businesses at the same time. I mean, my marriage almost didn't make it through that year. So now we made it through that year and many others. But there are times where you got to lean into something, leaning into a mentor or whatever that positive thing is for you. But today there's so much available online and through things like Audible.com and podcasts like this, I mean, fantastic stuff that you can be pouring in that positive on a constant basis and you can do it at the same time as doing something else, right? You're driving in the car, pour in the positive. You're exercising poor in the positive, doing household chores pouring the positive. My wife and I were cleaning this weekend, and I was listening to a book on tape and just pouring in the positive.
Yeah, no, Neal, the producer, he'll be laughing at this now because he basically says, Wendy, in your world, there is no room for excuses. And there isn't really, because I understand that people can get into a position or a situation and not realize that they've gotten there, but there is always something that you can do to get yourself out of that. There are no excuses.
I like to say, when I lost my excuses, I found my results. That's a little quote I like to say. And you're right. And the other thing people need to be clear on is it's all about you compared to you, not you compared to other people. Now, if you want to change your happiness, you can compare yourself. Right. So if my ego is getting too big, then my wife can say, well, how much money does Oprah make every year? Okay? Yeah. I'm very small. But the opposite is also true, is if I'm feeling down, my wife can say, how many of your friends have no job and the freedom that you have. Right. In that comparison, you can regulate your happiness, but for your results, it is best to compare you to you. Right. Let's just better your best. And for me, this definition of success is kind of you moving towards your goal, whatever that is. So it's very personal, whatever that personal goal is. And if you find yourself in this situation, you can begin to move out of that situation and celebrate just maybe those first steps out of that situation. Right, so you're comparing yourself to you. So, yes, you can change direction overnight, and then you can begin to make measurable progress in a reasonable amount of time as compared to where you are. Right. And so, yeah, I think that's a valid point on happiness. And then also, no excuses for you getting better. Now you're human, so you're going to have bad days. That's right. But you just want to ride again, get back on the horse, ride again, and ride a little bit better. Figure out some way that you can ride a little bit better. So you go a little bit longer and you get a little bit closer to where you want to be and who you want to be.
And like you said at the very beginning, Blaine, growing rich and success is not necessarily about numbers in a bank balance. It can be how you want to live and who you want to live that with. Your reasons why.
Yes. Maslow's hierarchy of needs is there. I mean, you need a certain amount of money for food and shelter and those things, and if you're struggling there, then there's a lot of help. Right? I mean, the Internet, podcasts like this, books like Think and Grow Rich, there's a lot of resources there. But you have to take the step like you have to have the desire and then, as we said earlier, make the decision, commit to the decision, but then take some action behind that decision. Right. And when you feed the decision with action, then you're going to find out, is this really something good for me or not? And most people find that it is. And then they start moving forward. And then it's funny that when you start moving forward, it's kind of a little slow and slogging in the beginning, but as you get out of the mud and you get out of that and you start to go faster and faster and faster, typically then things start to move really fast. That's exciting as I see that in people when they adopt, say, a new habit and then all of a sudden now everything else in their life is kind of taking off.
It is just about making that start. If you make the start, you're already ahead of where you were.
Yes.
Blaines’s conversation that counts (30m13s)
It seems only right, really, at this juncture, to ask you about a conversation that created a turning point for you. I've got a feeling that it may link to what you were talking about with your career change and things like that, but you might surprise me because of course I never know what's coming next.
That's exciting.
So what was that one conversation that changed your life either for business or for personal?
It started as a conversation and changed my life. And that was actually Jim Rohn. And so Jim Rohn, a friend of mine, introduced me to Jim Rohn and then I was able to actually host him at an event I was running. And I got lucky because he had a house in the Phoenix area and this event was in Phoenix and he happened to be there. So it was very easy for him to come to this event. And so he came to that event and I got to hear him and share the stage with him. But the things that he said that evening had a big impact on me. Right. And one of the things he says is it's not what happens that determines your life future, it's what you do about what happens. And that was the beginning of kind of the lens conversation as well. But he said that, so it's not what happens that determines your life future, it's what you do about what happens. And I realized in that moment, I realized that I didn't have to worry about circumstances, the economy, the pandemics, and all these different things that's going to happen to everybody actually. But it's my response to what happens that determines the outcome of my life and my businesses. And then he went on to say the other thing he said that night was don't wish it was easier, wish you were better. And I was like, Whoa, that was big. Don't wish for less problems, wish for more wisdom. And he just got me to switch it to see that praying and begging for things to be better or easier, that was just going to fix the thing one time. If I increased my wisdom and I got better, that's going to increase everything for the rest of my life. And so that started me on a nice trajectory. But it was that conversation that night with Jim Rohn that I think led me to this course of becoming the Chief Results Officer. Now, having the time to do that with my son. Having the inputs was the "Think and Grow Rich" book. But it was that conversation that night. He also said, profits are better than wages. And I was like, oh, poof, I've got to do more of my own business. So that was it.
Wow. I know, previous guest Brad Sugars, he was influenced by Jim in a big way, and he talked about that on the show as well. Isn't it interesting, because we've already kind of touched on this, that just by switching your language out just changes the end results of what you want to be creating.
Agreed. And a couple of years ago, I read this one book called The One Thing by a guy named Keller, and in there he said and some people say different ways he says, when you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them. It was just that language right there. That's where I realized, now, wait a second, let me say that again. Let me hear that for real. When you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them. And so what happened is that was the trigger for me kind of processing my own language, right? So if I start to say, I'm too old, I'm too this, I'm too that, I can't this, I can't that, won't all that almost negative kind of self talk. And it was on big things and small things, I realized it was almost like the predefeated mind, I'm never going to try that thing, because I've just accepted that limitation. And then I started hearing that language in other people, and now I can't go anywhere without hearing people arguing for their limitations all the time. But it's gotten so good in our family or in some businesses, masterminds that I work with, they'll say, oh, now Blaine is going to say you're arguing for your limitations there. But that consciousness around what you say is so big, and that can be kind of that pivotal point in your life, is when you start to listen to and process that self talk. That's big.
Yeah. Awareness. Self awareness. It can be a real driving force... or not. Well, thank goodness for Jim Rohn. Honestly. Thank you, Blaine, for sharing your story and so many different productivity hacks that we can apply to our own business and go away. I'm going to just go and sort out my mind trash later. I got to do another dump.
And I will say, look... on the head trash. The thing that has helped me the most and my clients is really that concept of the mind shower. Meaning like most people take a physical shower every day, but how often do you take a Mind Shower where you kind of wash out your mind and take out the head trash? Now there's apps. I use an app called Headspace, kind of a meditation breathing app, but I do that every single day. And I've done that now because the app tracks like 1500 days in a row. I've done this Mind Shower, just a little thing like that. Now I like a ten minute Mind Shower, but if I don't have time, I'll do a three minute Mind Shower. But doing that, I do that first thing in the morning, every morning. And that's made a big difference because I feel like at the beginning of the day, I'm kind of taking control of my mind showering it out, cleaning it out a little bit, but then also getting that lens ready for the day to make the most from the day.
Yes, it fits with your computer science background as well. It's almost like you're defragging the system and every day just hit reset. And then that head trash writing everything down in such a big overwhelm. It's not going to be that big anymore, is it? Because you've already got a handle on it, right?
Agreed.
I've had an absolute blast. I know who to reach out to now when I need either some head trash or a Mind Shower. Thank you.
I have thoroughly enjoyed this and I just want to take a moment to thank you. This is not easy to put all this stuff together and put it online and you have a big results ripple, queen of conversations here. You have a big results ripple and I will bet that you are touching lives not yet born that somebody 20 or 30 years from now is going to find this stuff and it's going to make a difference. So I want to congratulate you on that and leave you with this. That the bad news. The bad news is time flies. The good news, you're the pilot. So pilot well.
Thank you. I've got to go and cry now.
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TL;dr - want the episode summarised in one paragraph, and in your own language? Here is it.
ENGLISH: “The truth is, at the end of the day, you can’t make anyone else happy. You do not have that power. You can influence them, you can lead them, you can inspire them, you can discipline them, you can set boundaries with them. You can love them, but you can’t make them happy. The only person that you can do that for is you.”
ARABIC:
الحقيقة هي أنه في نهاية المطاف لا يمكنك إسعاد أي شخص آخر. ليس لديك هذه القوة. يمكنك التأثير عليهم ، يمكنك قيادتهم ، يمكنك إلهامهم ، يمكنك ضبطهم ، يمكنك وضع حدود معهم. يمكنك أن تحبهم ، لكن لا يمكنك أن تجعلهم سعداء. الشخص الوحيد الذي يمكنك القيام بذلك من أجله هو أنت.
SPANISH: “La verdad es que, al final del día, no puedes hacer feliz a nadie más.
Tú no tienes ese poder.
Puedes influir en ellos, puedes guiarlos, puedes inspirarlos, puedes disciplinarlos, puedes establecer límites con ellos. Puedes amarlos, pero no puedes hacerlos felices.
La única persona por la que puedes hacer eso eres tú.”
FRENCH: “La vérité est qu’en fin de compte, vous ne pouvez rendre personne d’autre heureux. Vous n’avez pas ce pouvoir. Vous pouvez les influencer, vous pouvez les diriger, vous pouvez les inspirer, vous pouvez les discipliner, vous pouvez établir des limites avec eux. Vous pouvez les aimer, mais vous ne pouvez pas les rendre heureux. La seule personne pour qui tu peux faire ça, c’est toi.“
GERMAN: „Die Wahrheit ist, am Ende des Tages kannst du niemanden glücklich machen. Du hast diese Kraft nicht. Du kannst sie beeinflussen, du kannst sie führen, du kannst sie inspirieren, du kannst sie disziplinieren, du kannst ihnen Grenzen setzen. Du kannst sie lieben, aber du kannst sie nicht glücklich machen. Die einzige Person, für die du das tun kannst, bist du.“
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