Finding passion and purpose in your life and business so you can feel good enough
How are you doing with finding passion and purpose in your business and life?
Good leadership is like putting on a coat! We’re about to learn all about finding passion and purpose and being ‘enough’!
After listening to or reading this episode you’ll definitely have a new perspective on bringing more ‘you’ to the world!
We’re making conversations about finding passion and purpose count, with Nicola Buckley – Episode 92!
Nicola will take us on the journey of learning how to be enough, and how to wear good leadership just like we’re putting on new winter clothing!
Who is Nicola Buckley and what does she do?
Nicola has been there. She was the girl who seemed to have it all locked up, with a perfect family and lifestyle, but she found herself grappling with severe anxiety and depression that nearly took away her sense of self-worth.”
The steps Nicola took towards recovery are what make her so unique in this industry; how people can come out on fire still burning bright for impactful leadership roles both personally or professionally is something only few others will ever know firsthand because they’re too busy being happy just staying put where life leads them.
She hosts the “Female Leaders On Fire” podcast.
But her core vehicle is that she’s also a woman who has been through some tough times in her own life.
And despite all of that, she’s come out on top and is now helping other women do the same.
What makes Nicola so unique is her ability to connect with people and help them find their passion and purpose.
She knows what it’s like to feel lost and confused, but she also knows how to find your way back to yourself.
If you’re struggling to find your passion or purpose in life, Nicola is someone who can help you.
She’s an expert at finding your fire and igniting it so that you can lead a happy, fulfilled life.
In this episode she tells her story so that you can learn from it and apply it in your own business and life.
Scroll down to continue reading this episode in which Nicola Buckley shares how you can get working on finding your passion and purpose in life and business!
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What is Nicola’s advice for taking positive steps?
When you’re constantly running and never taking the time to slow down, it can be hard on your body.
On one hand, we have stressed-out bodies that need more rest than usual; but then again there are deadlines that require us not only to stay awake for hours at a stretch (which isn’t always easy), but they also demand high levels of concentration.
Something our brains aren’t usually geared towards producing immediately after waking up right before lunchtime!
So what should someone do?
“Everyone needs all hands to pump, but it’s like but you need to look at that and be able to break that into.
What does my pace feel like right now?
If I was to think of the pace of my life right now, zero to ten, what school would I give it? Ten being it’s flat out, I don’t even know how I’m going to get through the week. Through to zero, actually, it’s super slow and I’m actually quite frustrated. So where do you sit on that scale of pace? How does it feel for you, how’s it affecting you? And then think, well, if I’m here now, so if I’m at nine out of ten and actually that feels like, oh my God, I’m only just holding it together, I feel like plates could drop at any moment. I’m feeling quite stressed, I’m feeling like my heart’s racing a lot, I feel like I’m not spending enough time with my children. I’m feeling quite guilty. So how do you then take it back down to an eight? So, this is where it might be around saying no, it might be around setting boundaries, it might be around being really discerning of how you’re spending your time and knowing that actually if your boss comes to you and says, can you just manage this team for a few months while someone else is off? Or do you want this huge new project, and this would be great for your career development, or we’d love you to start doing a Masters, it’s like, it’s okay to say no. It’s okay to say actually at the moment, it’s not quite the right time. It’s no for now. It’s not forever. Like you said, that fear of saying no, it doesn’t make you a bad person. You’re not saying no to that thing forever, you’re saying no to that thing right now. And that’s something that can change over time. But Pace, I think, is a really powerful one to look at if you’re feeling like you’re overwhelmed and there’s a lot going on at the moment.”
How to move forward from the collective trauma of Covid 19
In this episode, Nicola Buckley makes direct reference to the ordeal that is Covid 19 and the trauma it left us with collectively.
She feels we haven’t yet dealt with it as effectively as we should have.
“We’ve all had this huge experience, but everyone’s life has changed in different ways. So, I think, again, it comes back to where you are and how you’re feeling and what you need. But I think even if we take it back to if you are feeling tired. If you are feeling burnt out. If you’re snapping at your children more. If you’re not feeling fulfilled at work. If you’re feeling bit resentful. If you’re feeling just… If those symptoms of burnout for you. They might be really physical. It might be really emotional. If you’re feeling like. That just a place to start understanding what’s going on for you. And it’s just like a daily checking yourself, which, again, I get a lot of my clients to kind of think about this, because a lot of them are women at the top that are giving a lot to everyone else, but they kind of lose the connection and understanding of themselves. So that is a very simple in the morning or in the evening, whatever works for you. Most of my clients do this in the morning. Just ask yourself three questions.”
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How effective leadership can be like a coat
Nicola talks a lot about the subject of leadership coaching and executive coaching. She suggests that at its core, it’s about identifying the gap in understanding yourself, in the moment.
What is going on for you? How are you feeling? What are your values? What beliefs are holding you back? What’s your language and how do you talk to yourself? Do you own your story of how you’ve come to be the person you are today?
These are the questions that form the centre of your leadership brand.
“It’s just seeing these brilliant women. And some men as well. Just kind of it’s almost like a perception gap when they first start working with me. How they see themselves versus how others see them. And actually, just being able to close that perception gap and then saying “Oh. My gosh. I’m a real expert at this.” Or “I’m becoming the CEO’s right-hand woman. They come to me to ask my opinion on things.” And I had a really brilliant client I worked with for a long time, and she was invited to the board a couple of years ago. The exec board. And she was saying that first of all, it felt like we did a lot of work together on ourselves. We did a lot of work on a leadership style. We just went really deep on stuff. And she did the work, she really focused on it. And as a result, when she went into that role, she’s kind of, in a lot of ways, already doing it. There were some changes she had to make in a team, so for people to step up, to give them more freedom, to be more strategic. But she said, I feel like I’m putting on a coat and that coat didn’t really fit at first and it’s a beautiful coat I love, and I love the colours, but at first it didn’t quite fit me. It was feeling a bit off. It felt like it was almost a little bit too much for me. But now when I go into those meetings, I have this mindset of putting on this coat and I’m stepping into it, and the coat I love, I look great in it, I stand proud and tall in it. And that’s the analogy of the work that we do, is you wear that coat with pride, you stand proud and tall behind who you are. And it’s transformational, but not only for that person, but also for the team around them and their peers. And they’re more senior leaders as well. Just to have a woman that’s not needing to be a yes woman. Not needing to be someone that is just out for themselves but actually be really at times vulnerable. Be empathetic and all the what were known as soft skills are now known as power skills. Like demonstrate and role model all of the brilliant things that women just inherently tend to have a little bit more of or tend to lean into a bit more.”
How Nicola helps
Nicola is an ICF ACC accredited coach helping organisations support female leaders and future leaders to find their fire for more impact and influence.
Her ‘On Fire Leadership’ model helps women become role models, have more confidence, go for promotion, find their voice, and challenge the status quo, without sacrificing themselves and compromising family time. She is host of the podcast “Female Leaders on Fire”, downloaded in 30 countries.
Her areas of expertise include:
Impact and Influence, Leadership from Inside Out, Find your Fire, Imposter Syndrome, Self Sabotage, Perfectionism, Confidence, Fear of Judgement, Sharing your Voice, Presentation Presence, Owning your Self Promotion, Emotional Intelligence, Team Connection, Resilience, Mental Health, Gender Parity, Coaching-Led Cultures.
You’ll learn….
This episode of “Making Conversations Count”, in which Nicola Buckley shares how important it is to learn the science of silence in your sales calls, covers:
- Nicola’s catchphrase (and its impact on Wendy)
- Nicola’s advice for taking positive steps
- Moving forward from Covid as individuals
- How leadership can be like a coat
- Nicola’s conversation that counted
Wendy’s takeaway
As a leadership coach and neuroscience expert, Nicola has helped thousands of women around the world to find their fire. She was in a high-pressure corporate career with 16 years’ experience when she decided it wasn’t enough for her anymore. She threw everything away on one simple decision: throwing caution behind us all comes down to choosing what matters most; we are not our jobs but ourselves! After struggling physically, mentally and emotionally she finally found herself again thanks largely to her understanding of the importance Sam her dog played in her passion and purpose, not just as her fur baby.
Nicola’s Links
Please do let us know your take-aways from this episode by leaving a comment at https;//makingconversations.studio/Review-Nicola-Buckley
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“Making Conversations Count” is a podcast from WAG Associates founder and telemarketing trainer Wendy Harris.
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Fancy repeating the experience of making conversations count? Here's another chance to hear a popular previous conversation - on a similar theme to the one you just heard.
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https://makingconversationscount.com/public-speaking-coaches-can-change-your-life/
https://makingconversationscount.com/silence-in-sales-calls/
https://makingconversationscount.com/emotional-support-for-business-owners/
https://makingconversationscount.com/be-bold-and-confident/
https://makingconversationscount.com/overcome-imposter-syndrome-unsquash-yourself/
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Spoiler alert: want to read the conversation that counted in this episode about finding passion and purpose with Nicola Buckley?
You like to ruin the plot twist huh? OK, not judging. Here you are.
Nichola, I asked you to think about one conversation that changed everything, if you’re ready to share that with me.
Yeah, it all goes back to one conversation I had, and it was probably about, I would say seven or eight years ago, let’s say eight years ago now. And it was the time when holidays are normal. And we travelled just as part of what we did. And I went on a retreat to Thailand. So, all of my work’s neuroscience based and I’m an absolute neuroscience geek, so this was with my coach at the time that I did all my mind map diploma with. So, we were away in Thailand on this retreat and we were effectively designing our programs that we wanted to share with the world and the things, the programs that were going to be the things that we built our business on. So, we started with what we wanted our life to be like, then looked at our values again, all those brilliant things, and then we were into, well, what do you want your program to be? What’s the biggest thing that you’ve learned that you can put into stages that would then help your audience or help a new audience? So, we were all kind of thinking this through and went away to map out those different steps. And I realised that my biggest challenge had always been not feeling enough. Not enough of anything. Not pretty enough, not successful enough, just not enough. So, this has always been nipping at my heels and I’ve done a lot of work over the last few years. It doesn’t feel the same anymore. It’s kind of like it just nips at me sometimes when I’m maybe overdoing things or tired or just having a wobble. It doesn’t own me anymore. It’s quite a shift for me. So, I was down writing about this program, I was mapping out the steps, so if someone came to me and said, Nic, I don’t feel enough, how are you going to help me to feel enough? So, I sat by the pool, beautiful location, the sun’s shining, but I’m really getting really, really stuck in my own head. And also, I think I was living through a lot of the heaviness that I’d carried through not feeling enough. And this my third business. My first business didn’t take off for certain reasons, and I end up closing that business. I carried a lot of shame about it, and I was like, I’m thinking about all this. And I started crying. And I had a friend that was sat to the side of me… on these retreats, you tend to develop quite intense friendships. And this particular friend was a Scottish lad, a little bit younger than me, and he’s just incredibly direct and I loved it. So, he was just sat near me and he came over and said, “are you okay? I just want to check in with you”. I said, I’m really not. I think I’m overcomplicating this. I’m quite stuck in my head. I’m sat here thinking, who on earth is going to ever want to invest in this? And now, having worked with thousands of people I know a lot of people need help with that same ‘I’m not feeling enough’, so I’m just really struggling. No one talks about this; I don’t feel enough. It just might be a byproduct, it might be part of something, but no one coaches someone from not feeling enough to feeling enough. And he said, Right, I’m going to ask you two questions, okay? So, the first question was, he said, what will it take you to feel enough?
God, that would floor me.
Yeah. And it completely floored me! Because when I sat and thought about it, and I’m not normally silent, I can talk for Britain..
Same! (Laughs)
(Laughs) Kindred spirits in that respect. And I had nothing to say. And he said, gently kind of coaching me around it, and just spent a little bit of time sat with me, he said, what’s going on for you right now? You’re visibly upset. I can feel your energy has changed. I was like, I have never given myself a measure of being enough. I’ve set myself up for all of my life to not feel enough because I have no measure of being enough. So, asking the question how am I ever going to feel enough? Because actually, when I get to here in my business, I didn’t feel enough, because that wasn’t a measure. When I got the qualification, I got to hear I didn’t feel enough, I got through a painful divorce and came out the other side and started my life. I didn’t feel enough. And that one question of what will it take for you to feel enough? Just completely made me see that I had this huge gap in understanding what it would take for me to feel enough. I’d never sat down and thought about it. That led into a second question. He said, well, let me ask you another question. My first dog was a little.. he was a rehome, he was little white Jack Russell. His name was Sam. So, he said, “right, let me ask you something different then, just to kind of think about this from a different perspective. Sam’s enough, right?” I said, of course he’s enough. He said, you love him completely. I was like, yeah, absolutely. Without condition. He said, “Does Sam need to go to Crufts? Does Sam needs to be more trained?” I was like, well probably should be a bit more trained, but that’s a whole ‘nother thing. He said, but the point is, Sam is already enough. And you’ve got this scratty little white dog that you love completely. You love the bones of him and you would do anything for him and he’s like your child, yet you’re not enough and you’re his mum. And again, I was just really shocked at how I treated myself so badly to allow myself to love Sam unconditionally, but not feel the same about myself. And it was just getting that realisation. Sam doesn’t need to change who he is. He’s a little dog. Sam doesn’t need to go to Crufts, he doesn’t need to be on there, he doesn’t need to be a pedigree. He’s just Sam and I love him, but I’d never allowed myself to think that about myself. And those two questions of, what will it take for you to feel enough… that realisation, that I’d never set a measure or gave myself a point of this you’re enough meant that I, by default, was never going to feel enough. And then the second question kind of conversation around talking about my dog Sam was like, how can I unconditionally love my little scratty dog Sam? But I don’t feel that about myself. And that whole conversation, I think, for me, was this realisation of how I treated myself quite appallingly at times. I was kind of like the after thought after work and after I done everything and proven everything, and then I might think about myself.
What is enough for you to say that somebody else says that you’re enough?
Yeah.
And how on earth can you ever measure that?
I think it’s that shift away from it wasn’t ever going to be in doing something, it wasn’t ever going to be external, it wasn’t ever going to be fixed. It was down to me to kind of, what do I need to do to feel enough? And those are things that I created in my programme. Yes, it’s a leadership programme, but also I will help you to know yourself and know the black and white and the grey and everything between, because out of that comes that your leadership identity, out of that comes that confidence. Out of that comes out, that ‘I’m going to have relationships that are really purposeful, that will help me to get what I want to feel good’. Out of that comes creating a purpose and a vision for the future. So that whole conversation just sent me off on a different route that was away from I’d had a gym businesses, I had fitness businesses, and actually, I want to be a coach, I want to be a pure coach. That led me into a coaching business that then led me into, starting last year, changing again, into becoming a leadership coaching business with women at the very top of organisations. So that conversation, for me, changed the trajectory of my whole life, because it was that slap in the face, almost of you can be stuck in not feeling enough, because how are you going to get out of it? How are you going to do it? And it actually kicked me into looking at myself, looking at the brilliant bits and understanding and being almost not sympathetic but kind of a bit flawed or a bit… now I still have parts that are quite flawed. And I kind of forgive myself those parts of me that are… not even flawed but like my own quirks, my own idiosyncrasies and what I’m just not so naturally adept to and that’s okay. And I think that prompt that just that very instant question that to him was really obvious that I’d never thought about that, “Oh my God, there’s no measure of being enough. So naturally I’m never going to feel enough. I need to do this in a different way.”
It’s beautiful that on so many occasions I can say similar, that it’s the most obvious thing that sometimes you just need it pointing out. Someone will ask me a question and I’ll go “but…but….” and it feels like a trick question as well doesn’t it? That’s the other thing when you can feel like you’re being tricked into saying something and making a fool of yourself but in actual fact it is the most obvious thing. And you go, but I know that.
Yeah. Just someone else’s perspective, someone else’s observation, someone else’s sharp mind, just like, “oh my gosh, of course” because I’ve warn that badge for all of my life and it’s still there but it’s not who I am anymore. It can nip up my heels but it doesn’t own me anymore.
That’s why I say you never know where a conversation will lead. Nicola, thank you so much for your time.
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You’ll read about:
You’ll hear:
Blaine and his TEDx Talk (1m02s)
Chief Results Officer? (3m47s)
Observations of business owners and entrepreneurs who struggle with results (12m19s)
Change doesn’t happen quickly enough but stick at it because it’s worth it! (23m25s)
Blaines’s conversation that counts (30m13s)
Blaine and his TEDx Talk (1m02s)
We all have these little idiosyncrasies that we like to hang on to... 21 seconds... an hour. If I was to say to my daughter, you've got all day to tie to your bedroom, guess what? It takes her all day to tidy her bedroom. So it's got to be the same in business. If you tell me I've only got 20 minutes to do something, I'll get it done with spare time!
Yes. Everything from when people argue for the limitations they get to keep them, to it's the lens that you look through that actually creates your life. So I call it the lens of the future, but that is so key. And then finding practical ways to program the subconscious mind to help you. Right. I did a TEDx Talk where I asked people to change the unlock screen on their phone. And so now, for years, I've been getting great feedback from people saying that made a big difference in their life. So whatever you're trying to bring about, you put that on your unlock screen. You can also have your family stuff, and then you can make a customized image. But many people have nothing. They have, like, the default unlock screen, which is interesting, but you see that screen, you unlock your phone 60 to 150 times a day. So it's a real strong way to keep putting what you want to bring about, what you think about what you bring about. It's a way to program that subconscious, but it's super powerful, and you're so right. That how you see it creates the reality. And if people get that, that's a big breakthrough.
Confession time. I did the unlock screen on my phone, and it was a picture of myself in actual fact, when I felt that I looked the best, I was slimmer, no Covid pounds. And it has been working because initially I was looking at it and thinking, this is I really don't like this. But it has had an impact. It's changed with what I eat, the what I drink, the getting up and moving more. So I'd say to anybody, just give it a try!
Yeah. Agreed. A lot of this stuff is self evident. Just try it for a little while. And you may not see it consciously, but your subconscious mind is still seeing it. And maybe you change it. Maybe you turn it to the side or you add some words to it. You can also kind of mix it up. I like to mix mine up every couple of weeks, but it's having the same core thing on there,
Chief Results Officer? (3m47s)
No, it is interesting. So what got you to become the chief Results officer then, Blaine?
So, for me, there were two moments of dawning comprehension where the world changes almost on a single thought. And for me, the first one came in college. I went to Purdue University in West Lafayette, Indiana, and I've always been kind of maybe like you and the listeners. I've been a little bit of a seeker, a seeker of knowledge. How can I do better? What could I do better? And so I saw this ad for an audio cassette tape. So I'm kind of dating myself. This was back in the 80s, but when I went to college and I sent away for this audio cassette, which was an abridged version of "Think and Grow Rich", it was actually this guy Earl Nightingale reading "Think and Grow Rich". And I got that audio tape, and then I subsequently purchased the book, and I realised there that "Think and Grow Rich". Now, the book is about Think and Grow Rich, but the riches can be anything. It could be financial, he talks about that, but it could be harmonious relationships, your health. And that's where this concept of what you think about you bring about. That was where I first got that. And I realized, now, wait a second, I'm in a lot more control than I realized. And I had a lot of success because of that initial reading of that book. And actually, I met my wife. We've been married 30 years, so I met her.
Congratulations.
Yes. That was kind of the first thing that started me on the journey there and started kind of taking control of myself a little bit more. But then the big change, the big dawning comprehension moment number two. I came back from a business trip, my degree's in computer science, I was working as a software engineer, and I came back from this long business trip, and my son Beau, he was one year old, and he was, like, giving me the cold shoulder when I came back. And I said, hey, Beth, what's going on? What's wrong with Beau here? And she said, well, you were gone so long, he kind of forgot who you were. And I was like, what? I mean, that hit me emotionally pretty hard at night. And I realized when I was a kid, I'd come home to an empty house. Both my parents worked. And so that night I had this moment of dawning comprehension, and I made a clarifying decision. Now, when you make a clarifying decision, it kind of like, cuts out a lot of other decisions, cuts out a lot of noise and really focuses you almost like a laser on one thing. And that decision was that I was going to be a work from home dad. And so it took me a year. It took me a year to get there because we were kind of conservative and wanted to save up enough money and have living expenses in the bank. But anyway, a year later, my wife said, if you can make more on your side hustle thing, whatever you're doing here from home, and you make more money at that than you do from the job or even the same, then you can go, you can cut away the job. So I did that. So it took me a year, but I did that and I left my job. And that was 27 years ago. And so for the last 27 years, I've been working from home, running businesses that really have no daily operations. So I've been able to do a lot of self development and that's what led me on the course to become the Chief Results Officer. I started helping people. I created a company called Selfluence, which is really kind of the art and science of influencing yourself. But more than that, it's the power that you already have to influence yourself. You don't need any special software, you don't have to buy anything else. You have it all kind of within you. And I started helping a lot of mastermind groups and they said, hey, you're helping us get results every week. We're going to call you the Chief Results Officer. I'm like. Oh, I like that. So I like the title. I took the title and then I went to the US Patent Office and I registered the title. So now I can say I'm America's only Chief Results officer. But anyway, I've been doing that and I think that's why I'm here. I think God has me on the planet to help people take control of their lives by taking control of themselves. So that's what I've been doing. Now, pretty much 27 years from home, kids are out of the nest now, so I have a lot more time to serve clients than I did before, but I really do enjoy it.
What a benefit for Beau, really? And gosh, we say this so often on this show is that there are things that you can do that can help and aid us, but ultimately it comes back to self. It doesn't matter. So you're saying that you decided to do something. Reminds me of Rob Begg who's a past guest as well. He's also a mindset expert and he says if you decide, you've also got to commit and that's effectively what you've done. So there's a lot of entrepreneurs out there that I think they decide that they're going to work for themselves, but they don't commit. Do you see that it goes hand in hand?
I do. And I think there's a third component, and that is the action right there. There's a famous joke. Three birds are sitting on a tree, one decides to fly off. How many birds are left? And the audience typically says two, but no three. One made a decision, but they didn't fly off, they didn't take the action right. So I think what you think about, you bring about that. It's a combination of you make the decision right, and then you need to commit to that decision, but your commitment shows up in action. And so it's the action steps you take that kind of determine if it's real or not. And I will say that many decisions and desires kind of die on the vine because they're not strong enough for that person. And you can tell they're not strong enough if they don't want to wake up early, stay up late, and really put the action behind it. Right? And that's where you see the people really begin to move forward, because it's even taking the action. Even if you're going in the wrong direction, at least you're moving. They say you can't steer a parked car. You got to be moving. You got to take action. And it's in the action that really you kind of learn more about it, and then it can either grow, or you might realize that you're heading in the wrong direction. But that's okay, because it's in the knowing of where you're going. That's the fun part. And I like to tell people, you can't change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction. So if you figure out where you want to go, you can point in that direction and then start to move there. But in turning and facing, like, whatever it is you really want in life, you're going to feel the energy chemically. You're going to get excited about it, you're going to feel it.
It's a bit like stepping out into the sunshine, isn't it, and feeling it on your face. It is that much of an impact. But that's great course correction, isn't it? If we have these navigation systems built in, we are also tied to the magnetic force. So why do you think we have moved away so far from what comes naturally to us? Blaine, what's your take on that?
When you can get back to these core things? It feels good, it feels right. But today, more so than any time in the history of the world, is that there are so many distractions, and the level of distractions are so high. And everybody that I know has one of these, which is a smartphone, a cell phone. And so that can be like the greatest tool of productivity or the most evil distraction machine known to man or woman. For me, it's the level of distractions number one, and the loss of think time. That would probably be number two. Of time where you are... it's almost like more shower time, where there's no phones, there's no electronics, there's no outside world. People need more of that. I tell them, your phone has airplane mode. That's not just for airplanes. You can use it during the week, too. But I think lack of Think Time and distractions are the two things that pull you away, maybe even from who you are, who you want to be, your self development. So switching, that is possible, right? So switching, removing distractions. Right. So my family isn't super happy about it, but I've removed all the rings. Dings and dings. My phone never rings. If I'm expecting a call, maybe I'll look for that. But typically, I never answer the phone, and I've really cut down the distractions, number one. And then number two is I put a lot of think time back into my day and into my life and I think that makes a big difference.
Observations of business owners and entrepreneurs who struggle with results (12m19s)
What's your observation then, Blaine, of working with entrepreneurs and business owners that are struggling with that productivity and getting the results that they need? What's the first place that you sort of get them to be doing something slightly different?
I serve primarily business owners and the number one problem is overwhelm. Too many things to do and they're typically a day behind or more than a day behind things. And so what I like to do is first of all, show them that there is something to go after and I call it a day ahead. And so I like to take entrepreneurs from being a day behind to just being behind to being caught up, to being ahead to being a day ahead. And there is this thing, I call it the day ahead lifestyle which I live most days now, not every day, but most days I'm a day ahead. So when I wake up there may be some appointments like this podcast, but all the to-do's are done. Like I have no to-do's for the day and I'm working on tomorrow's to-do's. And so this concept of moving into that just first of all know that it's possible to be a day ahead. And my wife is back in school now getting a master's degree and she likes to be a week or two weeks ahead on homework and other things so you can get there. But the first thing is you've got to handle the overwhelm. And so typically what I see that works the best is to do some kind of a mind dump of all these things that you have to do. Now if you just do a mind dump alone, you're going to be more overwhelmed but guide them through. So get out a piece of paper and start to write down what are all the things that are top of mind. They're swimming around, oh, I've got to do this for this client or I got to do that. I've got these appointments, I've got to do this with the products, whatever it is. You have all these things swimming around and write all those things down and spend at least 15 minutes doing that and then take maybe a five minute break and then come back, maybe go a little bit deeper. Also, sometimes I provide a lot of prompts, a lot of questions to kind of pull more and more stuff out of your head and get it on paper. So the last time I did that in a big way, I ended up with 453 items on my list.
Wow!
Super overwhelming. Look out. Yikes. But the key is that you must immediately process the list. So it's in the immediate processing of the list that the overwhelm begins to subside. Because what I mean by processing the list is that you put an end next to things you can do now, something that takes less than five minutes. If it's a bigger project, I also say, look, why don't you write to the right of it? What's the next step on that? It might just be scheduled meeting with so and so, send somebody an email, something that's quick and fast. But you write an N next to those things that you can do now, and then you write an S next to things that need to be scheduled. They need to be done in the next, let's say, a week or so. And then D is next to things that you can delegate, you can give to someone else. Not that you're going to do it, but you could do it. It's possible to delegate. And then L, which should be the most used letter of all, stands for later. And those are things that are not pressing, let's say, in this week. Now, sometimes people do it just for the day. Like, what am I going to do today? Some people might do it for a month or a quarter. But one of those things that you can let go a little bit, you can put on the later list. And most of the time, like out of my 400, I don't know, probably 300, something of those were later items. But they're out of my head now and they're on paper. And then what happens is then you go after you take maybe 30 minutes and do a bunch of the Ns, get a little... start winning the battle of the brain chemicals, get the dopamine going, the serotonin, you're getting stuff done, you're moving forward. Then the bigger ones, you schedule those into your calendar, maybe you see what the next small step is again, win early, win often. And that starts to get them out of the overwhelm and get them into kind of high value, productive action. That's one thing I do. The other thing is that all entrepreneurs and business owners, most people, want to compress time. And so I do have a framework called the 30 Minutes Hour. It's how to get an hour's worth of stuff done in just 30 minutes. So sometimes I walk them through that framework as well, because if they can compress time, they're winning.
Yeah, there's a lot about what you've said there that comes back to feeling in control of the situation, isn't it? And thinking is just energy, isn't it? You've got all these thoughts and they're just randomly popping in and out of your attention span... by putting them down on paper makes perfect sense because you can look and it not take up your attention of worrying about it because you've already decided how you're going to do something with it. Is it next? Is it later? Is it a big thing? But it frees your energy up to be laser focused on the tasks that you really do need to do. And there's just that feeling of striking off things off your list, isn't there? That satisfaction of done that, done that... the fact that you've gotten to the end of a list is an achievement itself. But getting into the habit of doing that on a daily basis, that's got to be where the results are coming from.
Yes, you're exactly right about those open loops and all that thing that's swimming around in your head that you have to keep remembering, right? And when you get rid of those things now you've got some more room, some more capacity and you even feel better, like you said. And then also you're right about the checking off the list. A lot of times I'll ask business owners, have you ever done something and it's not on your list but you write it on your list so you could check it off? We've all kind of done that. But that gives us the dopamine that like physically shows up. You get a little square of dopamine in your brain and it feels good. Your body, your mind, it wants you to get stuff done, right? So it rewards that. So you are right. And a lot of it is how you think and what you think about you bring about and how you think makes all the difference and actually changes your reality. I call it the lens of the future. But how you say or say to yourself or how you think the prediction of the future is going to go, that is what you're going to end up creating, right? So the story I like to tell about that is let's say that I say, Wendy, look, I'm sorry but today is going to be one of the worst days of your life. And so then you go out and you're like, I don't know if Blaine's right or not. And then you're almost hit by a car and you say, wow, look, Blaine was right. I was almost hit by the car and you're shaking and you're like, oh my, what else is going to happen? And physically, brain chemical wise and physically, you get scared and you kind of get small and you're worried about the rest of the day right? Now if the same morning I said to you, Wendy, today is going to be one of the best days of your life. You're looking through a different lens but the same thing happens. You're almost hit by the car and you go, well Blaine was right. I was saved. Like, why was I saved? God still has something for me to do on this planet. I'm still here. And then you're exuberant. Now there's a little fear from the accident almost happening but right out of that you come up and you're not down, you're up. And the brain chemicals and your physiology is all like, this is a great day, what else is going to happen? Great. And so the same circumstances happened, but you created the reality based on the lens that you're looking through, and that is some of the biggest brain science and discoveries that are happening now is that you create that world based on that lens. So have you found that to be true in your...
Yeah, all the time. For me it comes down to language and it can be habitual. It's conditioned what we pick up from other people. You know that saying of who you surround yourself with, if that's negative, then that brings you down. I'm a positive kind of person in the main and it's hard if you're the only positive person sort of bringing the negative people up as well. So yeah, for me it's an energy thing. Everything is around energy and if you use the wrong language, it's like saying, oh, I nearly got hit by a car, but Blaine said it was a good day. You go, my luck was in and yet, it's got absolutely nothing to do with that. So it reminds me a little bit of the Matrix movie series that literally you can design the life that you want. How badly do you want it?
Yeah, agreed. And you're right about the people you hang around with. And I'm all for helping people, but I don't like maybe a third of the time I can be around people that are, let's say, at a lower frequency and have issues and I want to help them. And then a third of the time I like to be around people kind of my own energy level. And then another third of the time though, I want that higher energy. Right. I want to be kind of like you said, moving up and it can be tough. The other thing is if you're stuck in that lower energy or in that I call it head trash...
It's a good term.
Yeah, everybody has head trash. Now, my head trash, because I do a lot of things, is small and it's in the corner, but it's still there. And actually I do this thing called a mind shower every morning to kind of take the head trash out. But I like to tell people who are stuck with a lot of head trash that the solution to pollution is dilution. So if you ever see like if there's a liquid, a dark liquid in a beaker, the more clear water they add, it'll get less and less and less and less and soon it will be clear. What I find is the ratio is different for everybody. Like I need maybe a five to one ratio. So if I have 1 hour around negative people and bad things, I need 5 hours of positive. I got to pour in the positive to dilute down that negative. But realize that it is a bit of a battle, but like you said, what are you pouring in? Who are the people you around? What are you listening to? What are you watching? What foods are you eating? That all has energy and vibration, too. So you can really pour in so much of the higher vibration stuff that it does begin to minimize and kind of there's this little point where it'll flip over and you'll feel like you're in control of those thoughts rather than those thoughts and that negativity being in charge of you.
Change doesn’t happen quickly enough but stick at it because it’s worth it! (23m25s)
And you're right, really. That energy, the dark water into the clear, that's like recharging a battery, isn't it? When you need to go and find some positive to sort of just, you know... and I would say that people give up too soon. You can be adding clear water in and adding positivity into that dark water. And it could just be that you're just frustrated that the change is not happening quick enough. Please just stick at it because it's worth it.
Yeah, it is worth it. And realize that there's some people that will pour the dark ink back in the water, right? So you have to start to guard the inputs of your life, guard the inputs of your brain and your body. Because sometimes people don't even mean to do it. It's unconscious to them, but they are negative towards you or low energy.. so yeah keep pouring the positive and keep pouring it in big doses. I remember my favorite mentor is this guy Jim Rohn... I don't know if you remember...
Yeah, I know Jim Rohn.
Yeah, he's my favorite guy. I got to meet him and host him at an event one time and for him, he had this series, it's called The Power of Ambition, which I listened to on audio cassettes. Again, back to the dating myself. But I listened to that program 50 times in a row because I was at a point in my life where that's what I needed and I could finish the sentences of that program, but that's what I needed. That's what I needed to really get through some tough times. I mentioned before that I broke free from my job. But if you realize at that point we had a one year old son, I had a 50 hours week job and I started two other businesses at the same time. I mean, my marriage almost didn't make it through that year. So now we made it through that year and many others. But there are times where you got to lean into something, leaning into a mentor or whatever that positive thing is for you. But today there's so much available online and through things like Audible.com and podcasts like this, I mean, fantastic stuff that you can be pouring in that positive on a constant basis and you can do it at the same time as doing something else, right? You're driving in the car, pour in the positive. You're exercising poor in the positive, doing household chores pouring the positive. My wife and I were cleaning this weekend, and I was listening to a book on tape and just pouring in the positive.
Yeah, no, Neal, the producer, he'll be laughing at this now because he basically says, Wendy, in your world, there is no room for excuses. And there isn't really, because I understand that people can get into a position or a situation and not realize that they've gotten there, but there is always something that you can do to get yourself out of that. There are no excuses.
I like to say, when I lost my excuses, I found my results. That's a little quote I like to say. And you're right. And the other thing people need to be clear on is it's all about you compared to you, not you compared to other people. Now, if you want to change your happiness, you can compare yourself. Right. So if my ego is getting too big, then my wife can say, well, how much money does Oprah make every year? Okay? Yeah. I'm very small. But the opposite is also true, is if I'm feeling down, my wife can say, how many of your friends have no job and the freedom that you have. Right. In that comparison, you can regulate your happiness, but for your results, it is best to compare you to you. Right. Let's just better your best. And for me, this definition of success is kind of you moving towards your goal, whatever that is. So it's very personal, whatever that personal goal is. And if you find yourself in this situation, you can begin to move out of that situation and celebrate just maybe those first steps out of that situation. Right, so you're comparing yourself to you. So, yes, you can change direction overnight, and then you can begin to make measurable progress in a reasonable amount of time as compared to where you are. Right. And so, yeah, I think that's a valid point on happiness. And then also, no excuses for you getting better. Now you're human, so you're going to have bad days. That's right. But you just want to ride again, get back on the horse, ride again, and ride a little bit better. Figure out some way that you can ride a little bit better. So you go a little bit longer and you get a little bit closer to where you want to be and who you want to be.
And like you said at the very beginning, Blaine, growing rich and success is not necessarily about numbers in a bank balance. It can be how you want to live and who you want to live that with. Your reasons why.
Yes. Maslow's hierarchy of needs is there. I mean, you need a certain amount of money for food and shelter and those things, and if you're struggling there, then there's a lot of help. Right? I mean, the Internet, podcasts like this, books like Think and Grow Rich, there's a lot of resources there. But you have to take the step like you have to have the desire and then, as we said earlier, make the decision, commit to the decision, but then take some action behind that decision. Right. And when you feed the decision with action, then you're going to find out, is this really something good for me or not? And most people find that it is. And then they start moving forward. And then it's funny that when you start moving forward, it's kind of a little slow and slogging in the beginning, but as you get out of the mud and you get out of that and you start to go faster and faster and faster, typically then things start to move really fast. That's exciting as I see that in people when they adopt, say, a new habit and then all of a sudden now everything else in their life is kind of taking off.
It is just about making that start. If you make the start, you're already ahead of where you were.
Yes.
Blaines’s conversation that counts (30m13s)
It seems only right, really, at this juncture, to ask you about a conversation that created a turning point for you. I've got a feeling that it may link to what you were talking about with your career change and things like that, but you might surprise me because of course I never know what's coming next.
That's exciting.
So what was that one conversation that changed your life either for business or for personal?
It started as a conversation and changed my life. And that was actually Jim Rohn. And so Jim Rohn, a friend of mine, introduced me to Jim Rohn and then I was able to actually host him at an event I was running. And I got lucky because he had a house in the Phoenix area and this event was in Phoenix and he happened to be there. So it was very easy for him to come to this event. And so he came to that event and I got to hear him and share the stage with him. But the things that he said that evening had a big impact on me. Right. And one of the things he says is it's not what happens that determines your life future, it's what you do about what happens. And that was the beginning of kind of the lens conversation as well. But he said that, so it's not what happens that determines your life future, it's what you do about what happens. And I realized in that moment, I realized that I didn't have to worry about circumstances, the economy, the pandemics, and all these different things that's going to happen to everybody actually. But it's my response to what happens that determines the outcome of my life and my businesses. And then he went on to say the other thing he said that night was don't wish it was easier, wish you were better. And I was like, Whoa, that was big. Don't wish for less problems, wish for more wisdom. And he just got me to switch it to see that praying and begging for things to be better or easier, that was just going to fix the thing one time. If I increased my wisdom and I got better, that's going to increase everything for the rest of my life. And so that started me on a nice trajectory. But it was that conversation that night with Jim Rohn that I think led me to this course of becoming the Chief Results Officer. Now, having the time to do that with my son. Having the inputs was the "Think and Grow Rich" book. But it was that conversation that night. He also said, profits are better than wages. And I was like, oh, poof, I've got to do more of my own business. So that was it.
Wow. I know, previous guest Brad Sugars, he was influenced by Jim in a big way, and he talked about that on the show as well. Isn't it interesting, because we've already kind of touched on this, that just by switching your language out just changes the end results of what you want to be creating.
Agreed. And a couple of years ago, I read this one book called The One Thing by a guy named Keller, and in there he said and some people say different ways he says, when you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them. It was just that language right there. That's where I realized, now, wait a second, let me say that again. Let me hear that for real. When you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them. And so what happened is that was the trigger for me kind of processing my own language, right? So if I start to say, I'm too old, I'm too this, I'm too that, I can't this, I can't that, won't all that almost negative kind of self talk. And it was on big things and small things, I realized it was almost like the predefeated mind, I'm never going to try that thing, because I've just accepted that limitation. And then I started hearing that language in other people, and now I can't go anywhere without hearing people arguing for their limitations all the time. But it's gotten so good in our family or in some businesses, masterminds that I work with, they'll say, oh, now Blaine is going to say you're arguing for your limitations there. But that consciousness around what you say is so big, and that can be kind of that pivotal point in your life, is when you start to listen to and process that self talk. That's big.
Yeah. Awareness. Self awareness. It can be a real driving force... or not. Well, thank goodness for Jim Rohn. Honestly. Thank you, Blaine, for sharing your story and so many different productivity hacks that we can apply to our own business and go away. I'm going to just go and sort out my mind trash later. I got to do another dump.
And I will say, look... on the head trash. The thing that has helped me the most and my clients is really that concept of the mind shower. Meaning like most people take a physical shower every day, but how often do you take a Mind Shower where you kind of wash out your mind and take out the head trash? Now there's apps. I use an app called Headspace, kind of a meditation breathing app, but I do that every single day. And I've done that now because the app tracks like 1500 days in a row. I've done this Mind Shower, just a little thing like that. Now I like a ten minute Mind Shower, but if I don't have time, I'll do a three minute Mind Shower. But doing that, I do that first thing in the morning, every morning. And that's made a big difference because I feel like at the beginning of the day, I'm kind of taking control of my mind showering it out, cleaning it out a little bit, but then also getting that lens ready for the day to make the most from the day.
Yes, it fits with your computer science background as well. It's almost like you're defragging the system and every day just hit reset. And then that head trash writing everything down in such a big overwhelm. It's not going to be that big anymore, is it? Because you've already got a handle on it, right?
Agreed.
I've had an absolute blast. I know who to reach out to now when I need either some head trash or a Mind Shower. Thank you.
I have thoroughly enjoyed this and I just want to take a moment to thank you. This is not easy to put all this stuff together and put it online and you have a big results ripple, queen of conversations here. You have a big results ripple and I will bet that you are touching lives not yet born that somebody 20 or 30 years from now is going to find this stuff and it's going to make a difference. So I want to congratulate you on that and leave you with this. That the bad news. The bad news is time flies. The good news, you're the pilot. So pilot well.
Thank you. I've got to go and cry now.
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TL;dr - want the episode summarised in one paragraph, and in your own language? Here is it.
ENGLISH: “To have those big ideas. To spend a bit of time mulling over a conversation you had or reflecting back on something. Or thinking, how am I going to have this difficult conversation with someone in my team? And it sounds like, well, how does that relate to leadership? How does that relate to being a more impactful leader? Because the space that you need isn’t in the day to day. The space that you need has to be created and that’s something then to honour. Because that is where the brain waves are different. Because that’s where you have the big ideas and they’re physically shown to be different between when you’re very busy and kind of stressed in the day to day versus actually when you have time and space. .”
ARABIC:
للحصول على تلك الأفكار الكبيرة. قضاء بعض الوقت في التفكير في محادثة أجريتها أو التفكير في شيء ما. أو أفكر ، كيف سأخوض هذه المحادثة الصعبة مع شخص ما في فريقي؟ ويبدو ، حسنًا ، كيف يرتبط ذلك بالقيادة؟ كيف يرتبط ذلك بكونك قائدًا أكثر تأثيرًا؟ لأن المساحة التي تحتاجها ليست في يوم ليوم. يجب إنشاء المساحة التي تحتاجها وهذا شيء يجب تكريمه بعد ذلك. لأن هذا هو المكان الذي تختلف فيه موجات الدماغ. لأن هذا هو المكان الذي لديك فيه الأفكار الكبيرة ويظهر أنها مختلفة جسديًا بين عندما تكون مشغولًا جدًا ونوعًا من التوتر في يوم لآخر مقابل في الواقع عندما يكون لديك الوقت والمساحة.
SPANISH: “Para tener esas grandes ideas. Para pasar un poco de tiempo reflexionando sobre una conversación que tuviste o reflexionando sobre algo. O pensando, ¿cómo voy a tener esta conversación tan difícil con alguien de mi equipo? Y suena como, bueno, ¿cómo se relaciona eso con el liderazgo? ¿Cómo se relaciona eso con ser un líder más impactante? Porque el espacio que necesitas no está en el día a día. El espacio que necesitas tiene que ser creado y eso es algo que honrar. Porque ahí es donde las ondas cerebrales son diferentes. Porque ahí es donde tienes las grandes ideas y se muestra físicamente que son diferentes entre cuando estás muy ocupado y un poco estresado en el día a día y cuando realmente tienes tiempo y espacio.”
“.
FRENCH: “Pour avoir ces grandes idées. Passer un peu de temps à repenser à une conversation que vous avez eue ou à réfléchir à quelque chose. Ou penser, comment vais-je avoir cette conversation difficile avec quelqu’un de mon équipe ? Et on dirait, eh bien, quel rapport cela a-t-il avec le leadership ? Comment cela se rapporte-t-il au fait d’être un leader plus percutant ? Parce que l’espace dont vous avez besoin n’est pas au jour le jour. L’espace dont vous avez besoin doit être créé et c’est quelque chose à honorer. Parce que c’est là que les ondes cérébrales sont différentes. Parce que c’est là que vous avez les grandes idées et qu’elles sont physiquement différentes entre le moment où vous êtes très occupé et stressé au quotidien et le moment où vous avez du temps et de l’espace...“
GERMAN: „Diese großen Ideen zu haben. Ein bisschen Zeit damit verbringen, über ein Gespräch nachzudenken, das Sie hatten, oder über etwas nachzudenken. Oder denken Sie, wie soll ich dieses schwierige Gespräch mit jemandem in meinem Team führen? Und es klingt wie, nun, wie bezieht sich das auf Führung? Wie hängt das damit zusammen, eine wirkungsvollere Führungskraft zu sein? Weil der Platz, den Sie brauchen, nicht im Alltag vorhanden ist. Der Raum, den man braucht, muss geschaffen werden und das ist dann auch zu würdigen. Denn dort sind die Gehirnwellen unterschiedlich. Denn dort haben Sie die großen Ideen und es zeigt sich physisch, dass sie anders sind, wenn Sie im Alltag sehr beschäftigt und irgendwie gestresst sind, und tatsächlich, wenn Sie Zeit und Raum haben..“
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