How to be bold and confident and enjoy taking risks for infinitely more PRIDE in your life (and so you can meet Richard Branson)
Can you learn to be bold and confident so you can eat with strangers and meet Richard Branson?
Be bold and confident, and you’ll never have to worry about getting what you want again!
After listening to or reading this episode you’ll know how to apply PRIDE in your life!
We’re making conversations about being super bold count, with Fred Joyal – Episode 84!
Fred explains to us how we can all be more confident and live a bold life!
Big take-away quote from this conversation about how to be bold and confident with a man who has dedicated his life to PRIDE – Fred Joyal:
“Nobody gets a compliment and goes, oh, you’re completely wrong, and I am hideous or stupid. I’m insulted by the fact that you suggested that I’m attractive.”
Fred Joyal, Making Conversations Count – (May 2022)
(Hard of hearing? Transcript here).
Strapped for data? You can hear a lower-bandwidth version of the episode here.)
Who is Fred Joyal?
Fred Joyal is a man who knows how to be bold and confident.
Fred is the author of “Being Remarkable” and has dedicated his life to helping people be more successful in their personal and professional lives.
This book was written based on his time as a TV marketer for dental practices in the US, using a very primitive form of SEO to get people making bookings with his dental surgery clients.
Scroll down to continue reading this episode in which Fred Joyal shares how he teaches people to be bold and confident – using ‘PRIDE’
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How is Fred Joyal helping us all to be bold and confident?
Fred’s purpose it teaching us how to be bold and confident.
In this workshops, Fred teaches readers the PRIDE method.
More on that in a moment.
His approach is all about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone so that you can achieve your goals without being held back by imaginary obstacles.
To help people do this, Fred provides exercises that feature in his boldness manual.
If you want to meet Richard Branson, carrying out these exercises will help!
What are boldness exercises and how will they help us to be bold and confident?
Some of the exercises are setting us up for deliberate failures.
They involve intentionally asking for things you know will be rejected.
The point of this is that you get used to things not being accepted, you don’t worry about them anymore.
Click here to listen right now.
Quote from episode – click here for full transcript
“You’re aiming for somebody to not say yes, basically because you’re asking them something so ridiculous and then embracing it, like saying, oh, I didn’t die when that happened. One of the exercises is to go up to somebody and ask if you can sit at their table in a restaurant or a coffee shop. And people think, nobody’s going to let me do that. About 80% of the time. People will say, sure, go ahead.”
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Want to become friends with Richard Branson?
Let’s be honest about it, you’re not going to get to meet Richard Branson if you can’t be bold and confident enough to go up to him.
So if that’s your ambition, and you want to meet everyone’s favourite tycoon, you’d best get ready to embrace boldness!
Quote from episode – click here for full transcript
“You walked up to Richard Branson and said, hey, I really like to meet you. And he just said, I’m really busy right now.
But you still walked up to him instead of going, oh, he doesn’t want to meet me. “
Embarrassment is a choice
We all know that feeling, when our face goes red and we want to disappear into a hole.
It’s called embarrassment, and it’s something we all experience from time to time.
But what if I told you that embarrassment is a choice?
Yes, you read that correctly – embarrassment is a choice.
And not only that, but it’s a choice that you make every single time you experience it.
Think about the last time you were embarrassed.
What was the situation? Was there anything you could have done differently to avoid feeling embarrassed?
In most cases, the answer is yes. We often choose to be embarrassed because we’re afraid of what other people will think of us.
We’re afraid of being judged, rejected, or made fun of.
But what if we stopped caring about what other people think?
What if we decided that their opinion of us is none of our business?
Do you think we would still feel embarrassed in the same situations?
Quote from episode – click here for full transcript
“So my friend, she looks down, kicks off her high heels and says, Well, I guess I need to start spending more than $30 on a pair of shoes.
And everybody laughs.
She does the rest of the presentation barefoot, but she owns them at that point because she chose not to be embarrassed.
And when you realise that embarrassment is a choice, you are powerful.”
You’ll learn….
This episode of “Making Conversations Count”, in which Fred Joyal shares his guidance on how to be bold and confident, covers:
- What are boldness exercises?
- What is PRIDE?
- Embarrassment is a choice!
- Fred’s conversation that counted and how it led him on a journey of learning how to be bold and confident!
So, Wendy’s takeaway from the conversation in this episode about how to be bold and confident using PRIDE with Fred Joyal?…
“Fred would call himself shy yet he had the overwhelming sense that he wanted to live a life to be proud of and devised a system ‘PRIDE’ to manifest being bold.
With a similar view on cultures way of indoctrinating us, we are conditioned to believe we are a certain way in situations that provoke fear or anxiety.
A subtle reframe is all it takes to prove to ourselves that we can do way more than we think we are capable of.”
Carry on the conversation with Fred:
• LinkedIn
• Website
Please do let us know your take-aways from this episode by leaving a comment at https;//makingconversations.studio/Review-Fred-Joyal
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“Making Conversations Count” is a podcast from WAG Associates founder and telemarketing trainer Wendy Harris.
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Dynamic read-along transcript
Fancy repeating the experience of making conversations count? Here's another chance to hear a popular previous conversation - on a similar theme to the one you just heard.
Listen to other episodes on your favourite platform…
Spoiler alert: want to read the conversation that counted in this episode about how to be bold and confident with Fred Joyal?…
You like to ruin the plot twist huh? OK, not judging. Here you are.
It brings us quite cleverly to the point in the show where I ask every guest to share that conversation that really counted. If you hadn’t have had that conversation, things would not have changed. So I’m super intrigued. Fred, what’s your defining conversation?
It goes back to my discovery of the advertising business because in my twenties, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I actually spent eight years going through College because I couldn’t figure out what knowledge I even wanted. I had no sense of what I wanted to do with my life and what was interesting to me. I liked writing, but I couldn’t figure out how and I wasn’t a particularly good writer at that point. And I wanted to oh, maybe I’ll be a screenwriter. Maybe I’ll be a novelist and I didn’t have the money, the luxury to be that and somehow eat. I walked into an ad agency and a friend of mine was working there. He was a storyboard artist, so he said, you got to come check out this agency and meet the boss there. His wife is a good friend of mine and everything and so if just entering the place, I looked around and I said, these are my people. This is my tribe.I could do this happily because every job I had had, it was just for money. It was just to support myself. And so I met the general manager, and I said, this is really exciting. I would love to do this. And he said, well, I’m not going to give you a job. And I said, David knows me really well. He knows how smart I am. I can do anything. He said, yeah. He says, but what you’re going to do is you’re going to go to school. There’s a night school that they teach advertising writing, and it’s taught by creative directors. Now, I was really lucky that this was going on. It was taught by working creative directors in Los Angeles. And so he said, just go do that. And then maybe you’ll get a job, maybe here, maybe somewhere. So I did that. And it taught me how to write advertising. And it took six months, and I got good enough so that I put a portfolio together of spec ads, as we call them, not real ads, but to show what I could create. I got the first job. I went on an interview on got hired. And everything flowed from that moment in my life from working in that ad agency, because I learned how to write better with all sorts of confinements. If you have to write something that’s 29 and a half seconds for a TV commercial, and it’s got to work in 29 and a half seconds, not 31, you learn that discipline. And I learned how to pitch to the customers, pitch our creative ideas with passion and enthusiasm, which took boldness, which I had to be confident about what I did because I saw people with great ideas, and they didn’t pitch them that well because they were underconfident.
They didn’t believe in it.
Even if they believe in it, they didn’t have oh, I’m not good at presenting. I’m hoping the idea speaks for itself. It doesn’t. And then I decided I wanted to start my own advertising business, which is what 1800 dentists became. Then I had to go out and find customers. I had to find dentists to participate. I had to figure out how to build a call center. I had to figure out how to hire and train employees. We had to invent everything about the business. And because of that conversation, because he didn’t say, oh, yeah, we’ll give you a job in the mail room.
I’m on the periphery of what I want rather than boldly going in. And so I found a crappy job writing copy for a package company, writing the copy for ‘the box’. That’s how I supported myself while I went to this night school. But then I knew I could write advertising, which I didn’t I was not capable of it. I didn’t know how to start even until I went to this school. So the most generous thing he did was say, I’m not giving you a job. Everything in my life flowed. All the abundance in my life flowed from that moment.
It’s exploring those opportunities, isn’t it, Fred? And maybe there’d be quite a few people listening that would go, I don’t really want to go to school again. But is that because you’ve not really sort of found what it is that you want to do? Because when you find something that you really want to do, you don’t even think about the why or the ‘hows’, do you? You just do.
And there are so many ways to go to school now.
Yeah.
You can go to Cambridge online if you want to and don’t participate in any course you can learn from. There are so many of these amazing people that are doing master classes now. I didn’t have I had to learn everything myself. I had no mentors. We had nobody to guide us. So all we had was our own mistakes to learn from and take the hit square in the face every time.
I reckon we learned faster, though, Fred?
Yeah, way faster. I know young people that they say, all right, I need to add this part to my business or to my business skills. And they’ll just watch YouTube videos religiously for two weeks. They’ll watch 100 of them to learn what they want to know. And I say how wonderful that is that there is access to this kind of information that didn’t exist before. All you have to do is chase it and be willing to sit down and absorb it. If you’re looking for an easy way for anything important, anything valuable, there isn’t a shortcut. There’s no shortcut to becoming a great violinist, okay? There’s no shortcut to becoming a successful entrepreneur.
There’s a saying, isn’t it? The longest distance between two points is the shortcut.
Yeah. Mine is the path of least resistance is the road to nowhere.
Fred, I’m so glad that you had that conversation, to unfold this ‘Super Bold’ that you’ve got now. It’s incredible what our lives turn out to be if you just follow your nose, follow your instincts, follow your passion, and those conversations really do count.
Yes. And be the one that has that conversation with somebody. Be generous with your candor and advice that can lead somebody on that path. I have tried to be what Peter was to me, to other people who are on their path with Super Bold as well. It’s like, what are you doing to become bolder? What are you doing every day to become bolder? Oh, I really want to meet the love of my life. What are you doing to make one, to make yourself interesting and to learn how to communicate in social situations. What magical formula? What juice drink are you looking for, that’s going to make this happen? That’s not what’s going to do it. You’re going to have to work at it. You’re going to have to become somebody who is worthy of a great relationship. If you want a great relationship.
Click this box to read the full Episode Transcript - Conversation around etiquette and manners - "Making Conversations Count"
You’ll read about:
You’ll hear:
Blaine and his TEDx Talk (1m02s)
Chief Results Officer? (3m47s)
Observations of business owners and entrepreneurs who struggle with results (12m19s)
Change doesn’t happen quickly enough but stick at it because it’s worth it! (23m25s)
Blaines’s conversation that counts (30m13s)
Blaine and his TEDx Talk (1m02s)
We all have these little idiosyncrasies that we like to hang on to... 21 seconds... an hour. If I was to say to my daughter, you've got all day to tie to your bedroom, guess what? It takes her all day to tidy her bedroom. So it's got to be the same in business. If you tell me I've only got 20 minutes to do something, I'll get it done with spare time!
Yes. Everything from when people argue for the limitations they get to keep them, to it's the lens that you look through that actually creates your life. So I call it the lens of the future, but that is so key. And then finding practical ways to program the subconscious mind to help you. Right. I did a TEDx Talk where I asked people to change the unlock screen on their phone. And so now, for years, I've been getting great feedback from people saying that made a big difference in their life. So whatever you're trying to bring about, you put that on your unlock screen. You can also have your family stuff, and then you can make a customized image. But many people have nothing. They have, like, the default unlock screen, which is interesting, but you see that screen, you unlock your phone 60 to 150 times a day. So it's a real strong way to keep putting what you want to bring about, what you think about what you bring about. It's a way to program that subconscious, but it's super powerful, and you're so right. That how you see it creates the reality. And if people get that, that's a big breakthrough.
Confession time. I did the unlock screen on my phone, and it was a picture of myself in actual fact, when I felt that I looked the best, I was slimmer, no Covid pounds. And it has been working because initially I was looking at it and thinking, this is I really don't like this. But it has had an impact. It's changed with what I eat, the what I drink, the getting up and moving more. So I'd say to anybody, just give it a try!
Yeah. Agreed. A lot of this stuff is self evident. Just try it for a little while. And you may not see it consciously, but your subconscious mind is still seeing it. And maybe you change it. Maybe you turn it to the side or you add some words to it. You can also kind of mix it up. I like to mix mine up every couple of weeks, but it's having the same core thing on there,
Chief Results Officer? (3m47s)
No, it is interesting. So what got you to become the chief Results officer then, Blaine?
So, for me, there were two moments of dawning comprehension where the world changes almost on a single thought. And for me, the first one came in college. I went to Purdue University in West Lafayette, Indiana, and I've always been kind of maybe like you and the listeners. I've been a little bit of a seeker, a seeker of knowledge. How can I do better? What could I do better? And so I saw this ad for an audio cassette tape. So I'm kind of dating myself. This was back in the 80s, but when I went to college and I sent away for this audio cassette, which was an abridged version of "Think and Grow Rich", it was actually this guy Earl Nightingale reading "Think and Grow Rich". And I got that audio tape, and then I subsequently purchased the book, and I realised there that "Think and Grow Rich". Now, the book is about Think and Grow Rich, but the riches can be anything. It could be financial, he talks about that, but it could be harmonious relationships, your health. And that's where this concept of what you think about you bring about. That was where I first got that. And I realized, now, wait a second, I'm in a lot more control than I realized. And I had a lot of success because of that initial reading of that book. And actually, I met my wife. We've been married 30 years, so I met her.
Congratulations.
Yes. That was kind of the first thing that started me on the journey there and started kind of taking control of myself a little bit more. But then the big change, the big dawning comprehension moment number two. I came back from a business trip, my degree's in computer science, I was working as a software engineer, and I came back from this long business trip, and my son Beau, he was one year old, and he was, like, giving me the cold shoulder when I came back. And I said, hey, Beth, what's going on? What's wrong with Beau here? And she said, well, you were gone so long, he kind of forgot who you were. And I was like, what? I mean, that hit me emotionally pretty hard at night. And I realized when I was a kid, I'd come home to an empty house. Both my parents worked. And so that night I had this moment of dawning comprehension, and I made a clarifying decision. Now, when you make a clarifying decision, it kind of like, cuts out a lot of other decisions, cuts out a lot of noise and really focuses you almost like a laser on one thing. And that decision was that I was going to be a work from home dad. And so it took me a year. It took me a year to get there because we were kind of conservative and wanted to save up enough money and have living expenses in the bank. But anyway, a year later, my wife said, if you can make more on your side hustle thing, whatever you're doing here from home, and you make more money at that than you do from the job or even the same, then you can go, you can cut away the job. So I did that. So it took me a year, but I did that and I left my job. And that was 27 years ago. And so for the last 27 years, I've been working from home, running businesses that really have no daily operations. So I've been able to do a lot of self development and that's what led me on the course to become the Chief Results Officer. I started helping people. I created a company called Selfluence, which is really kind of the art and science of influencing yourself. But more than that, it's the power that you already have to influence yourself. You don't need any special software, you don't have to buy anything else. You have it all kind of within you. And I started helping a lot of mastermind groups and they said, hey, you're helping us get results every week. We're going to call you the Chief Results Officer. I'm like. Oh, I like that. So I like the title. I took the title and then I went to the US Patent Office and I registered the title. So now I can say I'm America's only Chief Results officer. But anyway, I've been doing that and I think that's why I'm here. I think God has me on the planet to help people take control of their lives by taking control of themselves. So that's what I've been doing. Now, pretty much 27 years from home, kids are out of the nest now, so I have a lot more time to serve clients than I did before, but I really do enjoy it.
What a benefit for Beau, really? And gosh, we say this so often on this show is that there are things that you can do that can help and aid us, but ultimately it comes back to self. It doesn't matter. So you're saying that you decided to do something. Reminds me of Rob Begg who's a past guest as well. He's also a mindset expert and he says if you decide, you've also got to commit and that's effectively what you've done. So there's a lot of entrepreneurs out there that I think they decide that they're going to work for themselves, but they don't commit. Do you see that it goes hand in hand?
I do. And I think there's a third component, and that is the action right there. There's a famous joke. Three birds are sitting on a tree, one decides to fly off. How many birds are left? And the audience typically says two, but no three. One made a decision, but they didn't fly off, they didn't take the action right. So I think what you think about, you bring about that. It's a combination of you make the decision right, and then you need to commit to that decision, but your commitment shows up in action. And so it's the action steps you take that kind of determine if it's real or not. And I will say that many decisions and desires kind of die on the vine because they're not strong enough for that person. And you can tell they're not strong enough if they don't want to wake up early, stay up late, and really put the action behind it. Right? And that's where you see the people really begin to move forward, because it's even taking the action. Even if you're going in the wrong direction, at least you're moving. They say you can't steer a parked car. You got to be moving. You got to take action. And it's in the action that really you kind of learn more about it, and then it can either grow, or you might realize that you're heading in the wrong direction. But that's okay, because it's in the knowing of where you're going. That's the fun part. And I like to tell people, you can't change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction. So if you figure out where you want to go, you can point in that direction and then start to move there. But in turning and facing, like, whatever it is you really want in life, you're going to feel the energy chemically. You're going to get excited about it, you're going to feel it.
It's a bit like stepping out into the sunshine, isn't it, and feeling it on your face. It is that much of an impact. But that's great course correction, isn't it? If we have these navigation systems built in, we are also tied to the magnetic force. So why do you think we have moved away so far from what comes naturally to us? Blaine, what's your take on that?
When you can get back to these core things? It feels good, it feels right. But today, more so than any time in the history of the world, is that there are so many distractions, and the level of distractions are so high. And everybody that I know has one of these, which is a smartphone, a cell phone. And so that can be like the greatest tool of productivity or the most evil distraction machine known to man or woman. For me, it's the level of distractions number one, and the loss of think time. That would probably be number two. Of time where you are... it's almost like more shower time, where there's no phones, there's no electronics, there's no outside world. People need more of that. I tell them, your phone has airplane mode. That's not just for airplanes. You can use it during the week, too. But I think lack of Think Time and distractions are the two things that pull you away, maybe even from who you are, who you want to be, your self development. So switching, that is possible, right? So switching, removing distractions. Right. So my family isn't super happy about it, but I've removed all the rings. Dings and dings. My phone never rings. If I'm expecting a call, maybe I'll look for that. But typically, I never answer the phone, and I've really cut down the distractions, number one. And then number two is I put a lot of think time back into my day and into my life and I think that makes a big difference.
Observations of business owners and entrepreneurs who struggle with results (12m19s)
What's your observation then, Blaine, of working with entrepreneurs and business owners that are struggling with that productivity and getting the results that they need? What's the first place that you sort of get them to be doing something slightly different?
I serve primarily business owners and the number one problem is overwhelm. Too many things to do and they're typically a day behind or more than a day behind things. And so what I like to do is first of all, show them that there is something to go after and I call it a day ahead. And so I like to take entrepreneurs from being a day behind to just being behind to being caught up, to being ahead to being a day ahead. And there is this thing, I call it the day ahead lifestyle which I live most days now, not every day, but most days I'm a day ahead. So when I wake up there may be some appointments like this podcast, but all the to-do's are done. Like I have no to-do's for the day and I'm working on tomorrow's to-do's. And so this concept of moving into that just first of all know that it's possible to be a day ahead. And my wife is back in school now getting a master's degree and she likes to be a week or two weeks ahead on homework and other things so you can get there. But the first thing is you've got to handle the overwhelm. And so typically what I see that works the best is to do some kind of a mind dump of all these things that you have to do. Now if you just do a mind dump alone, you're going to be more overwhelmed but guide them through. So get out a piece of paper and start to write down what are all the things that are top of mind. They're swimming around, oh, I've got to do this for this client or I got to do that. I've got these appointments, I've got to do this with the products, whatever it is. You have all these things swimming around and write all those things down and spend at least 15 minutes doing that and then take maybe a five minute break and then come back, maybe go a little bit deeper. Also, sometimes I provide a lot of prompts, a lot of questions to kind of pull more and more stuff out of your head and get it on paper. So the last time I did that in a big way, I ended up with 453 items on my list.
Wow!
Super overwhelming. Look out. Yikes. But the key is that you must immediately process the list. So it's in the immediate processing of the list that the overwhelm begins to subside. Because what I mean by processing the list is that you put an end next to things you can do now, something that takes less than five minutes. If it's a bigger project, I also say, look, why don't you write to the right of it? What's the next step on that? It might just be scheduled meeting with so and so, send somebody an email, something that's quick and fast. But you write an N next to those things that you can do now, and then you write an S next to things that need to be scheduled. They need to be done in the next, let's say, a week or so. And then D is next to things that you can delegate, you can give to someone else. Not that you're going to do it, but you could do it. It's possible to delegate. And then L, which should be the most used letter of all, stands for later. And those are things that are not pressing, let's say, in this week. Now, sometimes people do it just for the day. Like, what am I going to do today? Some people might do it for a month or a quarter. But one of those things that you can let go a little bit, you can put on the later list. And most of the time, like out of my 400, I don't know, probably 300, something of those were later items. But they're out of my head now and they're on paper. And then what happens is then you go after you take maybe 30 minutes and do a bunch of the Ns, get a little... start winning the battle of the brain chemicals, get the dopamine going, the serotonin, you're getting stuff done, you're moving forward. Then the bigger ones, you schedule those into your calendar, maybe you see what the next small step is again, win early, win often. And that starts to get them out of the overwhelm and get them into kind of high value, productive action. That's one thing I do. The other thing is that all entrepreneurs and business owners, most people, want to compress time. And so I do have a framework called the 30 Minutes Hour. It's how to get an hour's worth of stuff done in just 30 minutes. So sometimes I walk them through that framework as well, because if they can compress time, they're winning.
Yeah, there's a lot about what you've said there that comes back to feeling in control of the situation, isn't it? And thinking is just energy, isn't it? You've got all these thoughts and they're just randomly popping in and out of your attention span... by putting them down on paper makes perfect sense because you can look and it not take up your attention of worrying about it because you've already decided how you're going to do something with it. Is it next? Is it later? Is it a big thing? But it frees your energy up to be laser focused on the tasks that you really do need to do. And there's just that feeling of striking off things off your list, isn't there? That satisfaction of done that, done that... the fact that you've gotten to the end of a list is an achievement itself. But getting into the habit of doing that on a daily basis, that's got to be where the results are coming from.
Yes, you're exactly right about those open loops and all that thing that's swimming around in your head that you have to keep remembering, right? And when you get rid of those things now you've got some more room, some more capacity and you even feel better, like you said. And then also you're right about the checking off the list. A lot of times I'll ask business owners, have you ever done something and it's not on your list but you write it on your list so you could check it off? We've all kind of done that. But that gives us the dopamine that like physically shows up. You get a little square of dopamine in your brain and it feels good. Your body, your mind, it wants you to get stuff done, right? So it rewards that. So you are right. And a lot of it is how you think and what you think about you bring about and how you think makes all the difference and actually changes your reality. I call it the lens of the future. But how you say or say to yourself or how you think the prediction of the future is going to go, that is what you're going to end up creating, right? So the story I like to tell about that is let's say that I say, Wendy, look, I'm sorry but today is going to be one of the worst days of your life. And so then you go out and you're like, I don't know if Blaine's right or not. And then you're almost hit by a car and you say, wow, look, Blaine was right. I was almost hit by the car and you're shaking and you're like, oh my, what else is going to happen? And physically, brain chemical wise and physically, you get scared and you kind of get small and you're worried about the rest of the day right? Now if the same morning I said to you, Wendy, today is going to be one of the best days of your life. You're looking through a different lens but the same thing happens. You're almost hit by the car and you go, well Blaine was right. I was saved. Like, why was I saved? God still has something for me to do on this planet. I'm still here. And then you're exuberant. Now there's a little fear from the accident almost happening but right out of that you come up and you're not down, you're up. And the brain chemicals and your physiology is all like, this is a great day, what else is going to happen? Great. And so the same circumstances happened, but you created the reality based on the lens that you're looking through, and that is some of the biggest brain science and discoveries that are happening now is that you create that world based on that lens. So have you found that to be true in your...
Yeah, all the time. For me it comes down to language and it can be habitual. It's conditioned what we pick up from other people. You know that saying of who you surround yourself with, if that's negative, then that brings you down. I'm a positive kind of person in the main and it's hard if you're the only positive person sort of bringing the negative people up as well. So yeah, for me it's an energy thing. Everything is around energy and if you use the wrong language, it's like saying, oh, I nearly got hit by a car, but Blaine said it was a good day. You go, my luck was in and yet, it's got absolutely nothing to do with that. So it reminds me a little bit of the Matrix movie series that literally you can design the life that you want. How badly do you want it?
Yeah, agreed. And you're right about the people you hang around with. And I'm all for helping people, but I don't like maybe a third of the time I can be around people that are, let's say, at a lower frequency and have issues and I want to help them. And then a third of the time I like to be around people kind of my own energy level. And then another third of the time though, I want that higher energy. Right. I want to be kind of like you said, moving up and it can be tough. The other thing is if you're stuck in that lower energy or in that I call it head trash...
It's a good term.
Yeah, everybody has head trash. Now, my head trash, because I do a lot of things, is small and it's in the corner, but it's still there. And actually I do this thing called a mind shower every morning to kind of take the head trash out. But I like to tell people who are stuck with a lot of head trash that the solution to pollution is dilution. So if you ever see like if there's a liquid, a dark liquid in a beaker, the more clear water they add, it'll get less and less and less and less and soon it will be clear. What I find is the ratio is different for everybody. Like I need maybe a five to one ratio. So if I have 1 hour around negative people and bad things, I need 5 hours of positive. I got to pour in the positive to dilute down that negative. But realize that it is a bit of a battle, but like you said, what are you pouring in? Who are the people you around? What are you listening to? What are you watching? What foods are you eating? That all has energy and vibration, too. So you can really pour in so much of the higher vibration stuff that it does begin to minimize and kind of there's this little point where it'll flip over and you'll feel like you're in control of those thoughts rather than those thoughts and that negativity being in charge of you.
Change doesn’t happen quickly enough but stick at it because it’s worth it! (23m25s)
And you're right, really. That energy, the dark water into the clear, that's like recharging a battery, isn't it? When you need to go and find some positive to sort of just, you know... and I would say that people give up too soon. You can be adding clear water in and adding positivity into that dark water. And it could just be that you're just frustrated that the change is not happening quick enough. Please just stick at it because it's worth it.
Yeah, it is worth it. And realize that there's some people that will pour the dark ink back in the water, right? So you have to start to guard the inputs of your life, guard the inputs of your brain and your body. Because sometimes people don't even mean to do it. It's unconscious to them, but they are negative towards you or low energy.. so yeah keep pouring the positive and keep pouring it in big doses. I remember my favorite mentor is this guy Jim Rohn... I don't know if you remember...
Yeah, I know Jim Rohn.
Yeah, he's my favorite guy. I got to meet him and host him at an event one time and for him, he had this series, it's called The Power of Ambition, which I listened to on audio cassettes. Again, back to the dating myself. But I listened to that program 50 times in a row because I was at a point in my life where that's what I needed and I could finish the sentences of that program, but that's what I needed. That's what I needed to really get through some tough times. I mentioned before that I broke free from my job. But if you realize at that point we had a one year old son, I had a 50 hours week job and I started two other businesses at the same time. I mean, my marriage almost didn't make it through that year. So now we made it through that year and many others. But there are times where you got to lean into something, leaning into a mentor or whatever that positive thing is for you. But today there's so much available online and through things like Audible.com and podcasts like this, I mean, fantastic stuff that you can be pouring in that positive on a constant basis and you can do it at the same time as doing something else, right? You're driving in the car, pour in the positive. You're exercising poor in the positive, doing household chores pouring the positive. My wife and I were cleaning this weekend, and I was listening to a book on tape and just pouring in the positive.
Yeah, no, Neal, the producer, he'll be laughing at this now because he basically says, Wendy, in your world, there is no room for excuses. And there isn't really, because I understand that people can get into a position or a situation and not realize that they've gotten there, but there is always something that you can do to get yourself out of that. There are no excuses.
I like to say, when I lost my excuses, I found my results. That's a little quote I like to say. And you're right. And the other thing people need to be clear on is it's all about you compared to you, not you compared to other people. Now, if you want to change your happiness, you can compare yourself. Right. So if my ego is getting too big, then my wife can say, well, how much money does Oprah make every year? Okay? Yeah. I'm very small. But the opposite is also true, is if I'm feeling down, my wife can say, how many of your friends have no job and the freedom that you have. Right. In that comparison, you can regulate your happiness, but for your results, it is best to compare you to you. Right. Let's just better your best. And for me, this definition of success is kind of you moving towards your goal, whatever that is. So it's very personal, whatever that personal goal is. And if you find yourself in this situation, you can begin to move out of that situation and celebrate just maybe those first steps out of that situation. Right, so you're comparing yourself to you. So, yes, you can change direction overnight, and then you can begin to make measurable progress in a reasonable amount of time as compared to where you are. Right. And so, yeah, I think that's a valid point on happiness. And then also, no excuses for you getting better. Now you're human, so you're going to have bad days. That's right. But you just want to ride again, get back on the horse, ride again, and ride a little bit better. Figure out some way that you can ride a little bit better. So you go a little bit longer and you get a little bit closer to where you want to be and who you want to be.
And like you said at the very beginning, Blaine, growing rich and success is not necessarily about numbers in a bank balance. It can be how you want to live and who you want to live that with. Your reasons why.
Yes. Maslow's hierarchy of needs is there. I mean, you need a certain amount of money for food and shelter and those things, and if you're struggling there, then there's a lot of help. Right? I mean, the Internet, podcasts like this, books like Think and Grow Rich, there's a lot of resources there. But you have to take the step like you have to have the desire and then, as we said earlier, make the decision, commit to the decision, but then take some action behind that decision. Right. And when you feed the decision with action, then you're going to find out, is this really something good for me or not? And most people find that it is. And then they start moving forward. And then it's funny that when you start moving forward, it's kind of a little slow and slogging in the beginning, but as you get out of the mud and you get out of that and you start to go faster and faster and faster, typically then things start to move really fast. That's exciting as I see that in people when they adopt, say, a new habit and then all of a sudden now everything else in their life is kind of taking off.
It is just about making that start. If you make the start, you're already ahead of where you were.
Yes.
Blaines’s conversation that counts (30m13s)
It seems only right, really, at this juncture, to ask you about a conversation that created a turning point for you. I've got a feeling that it may link to what you were talking about with your career change and things like that, but you might surprise me because of course I never know what's coming next.
That's exciting.
So what was that one conversation that changed your life either for business or for personal?
It started as a conversation and changed my life. And that was actually Jim Rohn. And so Jim Rohn, a friend of mine, introduced me to Jim Rohn and then I was able to actually host him at an event I was running. And I got lucky because he had a house in the Phoenix area and this event was in Phoenix and he happened to be there. So it was very easy for him to come to this event. And so he came to that event and I got to hear him and share the stage with him. But the things that he said that evening had a big impact on me. Right. And one of the things he says is it's not what happens that determines your life future, it's what you do about what happens. And that was the beginning of kind of the lens conversation as well. But he said that, so it's not what happens that determines your life future, it's what you do about what happens. And I realized in that moment, I realized that I didn't have to worry about circumstances, the economy, the pandemics, and all these different things that's going to happen to everybody actually. But it's my response to what happens that determines the outcome of my life and my businesses. And then he went on to say the other thing he said that night was don't wish it was easier, wish you were better. And I was like, Whoa, that was big. Don't wish for less problems, wish for more wisdom. And he just got me to switch it to see that praying and begging for things to be better or easier, that was just going to fix the thing one time. If I increased my wisdom and I got better, that's going to increase everything for the rest of my life. And so that started me on a nice trajectory. But it was that conversation that night with Jim Rohn that I think led me to this course of becoming the Chief Results Officer. Now, having the time to do that with my son. Having the inputs was the "Think and Grow Rich" book. But it was that conversation that night. He also said, profits are better than wages. And I was like, oh, poof, I've got to do more of my own business. So that was it.
Wow. I know, previous guest Brad Sugars, he was influenced by Jim in a big way, and he talked about that on the show as well. Isn't it interesting, because we've already kind of touched on this, that just by switching your language out just changes the end results of what you want to be creating.
Agreed. And a couple of years ago, I read this one book called The One Thing by a guy named Keller, and in there he said and some people say different ways he says, when you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them. It was just that language right there. That's where I realized, now, wait a second, let me say that again. Let me hear that for real. When you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them. And so what happened is that was the trigger for me kind of processing my own language, right? So if I start to say, I'm too old, I'm too this, I'm too that, I can't this, I can't that, won't all that almost negative kind of self talk. And it was on big things and small things, I realized it was almost like the predefeated mind, I'm never going to try that thing, because I've just accepted that limitation. And then I started hearing that language in other people, and now I can't go anywhere without hearing people arguing for their limitations all the time. But it's gotten so good in our family or in some businesses, masterminds that I work with, they'll say, oh, now Blaine is going to say you're arguing for your limitations there. But that consciousness around what you say is so big, and that can be kind of that pivotal point in your life, is when you start to listen to and process that self talk. That's big.
Yeah. Awareness. Self awareness. It can be a real driving force... or not. Well, thank goodness for Jim Rohn. Honestly. Thank you, Blaine, for sharing your story and so many different productivity hacks that we can apply to our own business and go away. I'm going to just go and sort out my mind trash later. I got to do another dump.
And I will say, look... on the head trash. The thing that has helped me the most and my clients is really that concept of the mind shower. Meaning like most people take a physical shower every day, but how often do you take a Mind Shower where you kind of wash out your mind and take out the head trash? Now there's apps. I use an app called Headspace, kind of a meditation breathing app, but I do that every single day. And I've done that now because the app tracks like 1500 days in a row. I've done this Mind Shower, just a little thing like that. Now I like a ten minute Mind Shower, but if I don't have time, I'll do a three minute Mind Shower. But doing that, I do that first thing in the morning, every morning. And that's made a big difference because I feel like at the beginning of the day, I'm kind of taking control of my mind showering it out, cleaning it out a little bit, but then also getting that lens ready for the day to make the most from the day.
Yes, it fits with your computer science background as well. It's almost like you're defragging the system and every day just hit reset. And then that head trash writing everything down in such a big overwhelm. It's not going to be that big anymore, is it? Because you've already got a handle on it, right?
Agreed.
I've had an absolute blast. I know who to reach out to now when I need either some head trash or a Mind Shower. Thank you.
I have thoroughly enjoyed this and I just want to take a moment to thank you. This is not easy to put all this stuff together and put it online and you have a big results ripple, queen of conversations here. You have a big results ripple and I will bet that you are touching lives not yet born that somebody 20 or 30 years from now is going to find this stuff and it's going to make a difference. So I want to congratulate you on that and leave you with this. That the bad news. The bad news is time flies. The good news, you're the pilot. So pilot well.
Thank you. I've got to go and cry now.
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TL;dr - want the episode summarised in one paragraph, and in your own language? Here is it.
ENGLISH: “The first step of the Pride method is preparation, which means you’re going to prepare what you’re going to say, even if it’s in a quick social interaction or prepare what you’re going to say on stage. Preparation is actually the foundation for spontaneity because you have your fallback position, but now you have room for discovery and you’re relaxed because you know what you’re going to say. And then in the moment you say, let’s say you’re just going to compliment somebody. One of my exercises is to complement strangers. You look at that person, you say, I’m going to compliment their purple hair. You’re about to say it. They look at you and you notice they have these Crystal blue eyes, and you can just shift and say, wow, your eyes are just mesmerizing…”
ARABIC:
الخطوة الأولى في طريقة الكبرياء هي التحضير ، مما يعني أنك ستقوم بإعداد ما ستقوله ، حتى لو كان في تفاعل اجتماعي سريع أو جهز ما ستقوله على خشبة المسرح. التحضير هو في الواقع أساس العفوية لأن لديك وضعًا احتياطيًا ، ولكن لديك الآن مساحة للاكتشاف وأنت مسترخي لأنك تعرف ما ستقوله. ثم في اللحظة التي تقول فيها ، لنفترض أنك ستثني على شخص ما. أحد تماريني هو استكمال الغرباء. تنظر إلى هذا الشخص ، كما تقول ، سأكمل شعره الأرجواني. أنت على وشك أن تقول ذلك. إنهم ينظرون إليك ولاحظت أن لديهم هذه العيون الزرقاء الكريستالية ، ويمكنك فقط التحول والقول ، واو ، عينيك فقط ساحرتان.
SPANISH: “El primer paso del método Pride es la preparación, lo que significa que vas a preparar lo que vas a decir, incluso si es en una interacción social rápida o preparar lo que vas a decir en el escenario. La preparación es en realidad la base de la espontaneidad porque tienes tu posición de reserva, pero ahora tienes espacio para el descubrimiento y estás relajado porque sabes lo que vas a decir. Y luego, en el momento en que dices, digamos que solo vas a felicitar a alguien. Uno de mis ejercicios es complementar a extraños. Miras a esa persona, dices, voy a felicitar su cabello morado. Estás a punto de decirlo. Te miran y te das cuenta de que tienen estos ojos azules como el cristal, y puedes moverte y decir, wow, tus ojos son fascinantes.”.
FRENCH: “La première étape de la méthode Pride est la préparation, ce qui signifie que vous allez préparer ce que vous allez dire, même si c’est dans une interaction sociale rapide ou préparer ce que vous allez dire sur scène. La préparation est en fait la base de la spontanéité car vous avez votre position de repli, mais maintenant vous avez de la place pour la découverte et vous êtes détendu car vous savez ce que vous allez dire. Et puis au moment où vous dites, disons que vous allez juste complimenter quelqu’un. Un de mes exercices est de compléter les étrangers. Vous regardez cette personne, vous dites, je vais complimenter ses cheveux violets. Vous êtes sur le point de le dire. Ils vous regardent et vous remarquez qu’ils ont ces yeux bleu cristal, et vous pouvez simplement vous déplacer et dire, wow, vos yeux sont juste hypnotisants..“
GERMAN: “Der erste Schritt der Pride-Methode ist die Vorbereitung, was bedeutet, dass Sie sich darauf vorbereiten, was Sie sagen werden, auch wenn es sich um eine schnelle soziale Interaktion handelt, oder sich darauf vorbereiten, was Sie auf der Bühne sagen werden. Vorbereitung ist eigentlich die Grundlage für Spontaneität, weil Sie Ihre Rückzugsposition haben, aber jetzt haben Sie Raum für Entdeckungen und sind entspannt, weil Sie wissen, was Sie sagen werden. Und in dem Moment, in dem Sie sagen, sagen wir, Sie machen einfach jemandem ein Kompliment. Eine meiner Übungen ist es, Fremde zu ergänzen. Du siehst diese Person an und sagst, ich mache ihnen ein Kompliment für ihr lila Haar. Sie sind dabei, es zu sagen. Sie sehen dich an und du bemerkst, dass sie diese kristallblauen Augen haben, und du kannst dich einfach bewegen und sagen, wow, deine Augen sind einfach hypnotisierend.”
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